Trump Wants To Shoot Dead A Cool Science Telescope Thing Like It's The Alien In Independence Day

Quentin Tarantino, Andrzej Sekula and Carlos Sagan (for the text only)

Another day, another asinine funding cut decision by the Executive Branch that maybe thinks it's actually the Execution Branch. Not autism programs, not the Special Olympics ... this time. No, this time it's just what some think is the most important project at NASA! Space Force bullshit he wants. Actual beneficial science projects? Not so much.

So, what is the top, most important project at NASA? According to a 2010 survey of astronomers and astrophysicists it's NOT going back to the Moon, like Pence would have you think, or landing on Mars. It's the Wide Field Infrared Survey Telescope (WFIRST), and it's pretty fucking important if you care about advancing our knowledge about space, particularly regarding exoplanets, dark energy, and finding a ton more galaxies out there. It's basically the Hubble on steroids. For all the Debbie Downers out there complaining that the freaking amazing first photo of a black hole is not impressive (DON'T be that asshole!), well this next-gen telescope would shut them up. Same fuckers that probably complain that the wifi on the airplane is too slow.

Anyhoo, how about some details on WFIRST? Yeah, we got you.


The primary mirror is about eight feet in diameter, the same as Hubble's, but will have a field of view 100 times greater than Hubble. Where Hubble found a few galaxies within 500 million years of the Big Bang (that's REALLY early in Universe time, mis amigos!), this badass telescope should find hundreds. Where you've seen fuzzy looking images of exoplanets, now we'll be able to see with much more detail what those ice and gas giants look like. Think iPhone 10 camera versus something that looks like a 7/11 security cam took it and then sent it to 1804.

Right now, it's in the preliminary design and technology completion phase, with a target to launch in the middle of next year. Well, that was the plot of our little story until the "all is lost" Act II beat (screenwriters will get this) happened with Trump's recommended 2020 budget removing all funding for this next-gen telescope.

Ah, but all good stories have a hero and in this story, our cowboy wearing the white hat is Rep. Don Beyer from Virginia's Eighth District. He's leading the charge along with the rest of the House Science Committee to make sure this important project is funded.


Hopefully, this isn't cut from the actual 2020 budget -- and don't forget that any Trump "budget" is just a wishlist from that evil puto. It's different than the cuts he CAN make to departments under him like Education or others headed up by Cabinet secretaries. NASA is an independent agency so Congress approves its budget. Let's hope the guys in white hats win and we all get the happy science ending we deserve.

You know who else's budget Trump can't cut? Wonkette's, because we are funded by YOU! FUND US!

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Carlos Sagan

I am a biochemist MexiCAN. I also write screenplays, ever hoping to get one made.

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follow me at: @RealCarlosSagan

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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'Baby Geniuses' star Jon Voight took to Twitter early this morning to proclaim his undying love for Donald Trump, probably because there is no one left in his life who will listen to him talk about this, or anything else, in person. In this video rant, Voight encouraged members of the Republican Party, whom he apparently thinks are the only real citizens of the United States, to stand by Donald Trump and "acknowledge the truth" that he is the best President since Abraham Lincoln.

Part ONE:

People of the Republican Party, I know you will agree with me when I say our president has our utmost respect and our love. This job is not easy. For he's battling the left and their absurd words of destruction. I've said this once and I'll say this again. That our nation has been built on the solid ground from our forefathers, and there is a moral code of duty that has been passed on from President Lincoln. I'm here today to acknowledge the truth, and I'm here today to tell you my fellow Americans that our country…

Oh no, not our absurd words of destruction!

Part DEUX:

is stronger, safer, and with more jobs because our President has made his every move correct. Don't be fooled by the political left, because we are the people of this nation that is witnessing triumph. So let us stand with our president. Let us stand up for this truth, that President Trump is the greatest president since President Lincoln.

Does Jon Voight not know there have been... other presidents? Can he name them? Because really, it does not sound like it. Does he also not know that a very big chunk of the Republican Party actually does not care very much for Abraham Lincoln? Namely those defenders of Confederate statues that Trump called "very fine people?" Also, did he intentionally diss their beloved Ronald Reagan?

Who can know? Who can even tell what he is trying to say or why he is trying to say it. He doesn't appear to have tweeted much since 2016, so I'm guessing whoever's job it was to keep him from tanking his career quit. Either that... or after filming the seventh season of Ray Donovan, he found out it's going to be canceled or his character is getting killed off or something and he is now free to be a jackass? I don't know, I haven't watched the show, although my parents are very into it and mad that I haven't watched it. Literally all I know about it is that it has something to do with Boston, because they keep mentioning that to me like it's a selling point.

It seems useless at this point to note that the people who scream their faces off about how bad it is for Hollywood celebs to support liberal causes, and how they should keep their politics to themselves, etc. etc. make a way bigger deal than normal people do whenever a Big Time Hollywood Celebrity like Jon Voight or, uh, Scott Baio, supports their cause. Mostly because they're the only ones who have elected a reality TV star and the star of Bedtime for Bonzo (who by the way, also once practically ruined a perfectly good Bette Davis movie with his bad acting. Which is not to say that Dark Victory is not fantastic and probably the best thing to watch if you want to sob your face off, but he was very bad in it.) to run the country.

But we might as well do that anyway, because it actually never stops being funny.

[Jon Voight Twitter]

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