Meatball, ya dumb sonofabitch! Did you think that shit would stay buried in a White House that leaks like a sieve? Did you think you could dodge the House Judiciary subpoena long enough to get out of Dodge and none of your dirty tricks would matter? Did you fall off that Big Dick toilet and hit your giant head? Well, snap out of it, genius, because Murray Waas got the goods on you before you could hightail it back to Iowa. Womp, womp!

Cast your minds back, Wonkers, to the summer of 2017. Don Jr.'s Trump Tower meeting was dominating the news cycle, and Republicans were casting about desperately for evidence of NO COLLUSION! Luckily the GOP brain trust had A IDEA. What if the DNC asked the Ukrainian government about all the money Paul Manafort took from thieving Ukrainian oligarchs, and so HILLARY CLINTON IS THE REAL COLLUSION?

Yeah, it was a really dumb idea. You were expecting more?


See Donald Trump's campaign manager Paul Manafort spent a decade ratfucking in Ukraine and running a clandestine lobbying effort in the west for the pro-Russian Party of Regions, for which he was paid tens of millions of dollars that had been looted from government coffers. After the Regions President Viktor Yanukovych was deposed in a popular revolution, the people of Ukraine set about trying to get some of that money back. So when Alexandra Chalupa, a contractor who did Ukrainian-American outreach for the DNC, came knocking, the Ukrainian embassy had one or two things to say about Paul Manafort. And if you squint really hard, that looks exactly like the Russian government offering to frame Hillary Clinton for illegal campaign contributions in exchange for a promise to lift the Magnitsky sanctions, hacking the DNC and dumping the emails through a cutout, and blanketing social media with anti-Hillary screeds.

OR MAYBE NOT.

We'll give you three guesses who the White House tapped to flog this bullshit for them ... no pressure!

media3.giphy.com

Did you guess Acting Attorney General Matthew Whitaker? You're so clever!

Old Meatball seems to have left one or two little things out when he consulted ethics officials at DOJ about the necessity of recusing from the Mueller investigation. Because everyone knew he'd filed this bogus FEC complaint against Chalupa and the DNC on behalf of his wingnut astroturf group. And his editorial in The Hill accusing the DNC of soliciting an-kind contribution from a foreign government was public record. But the fact that he did it AT THE DIRECTION OF THE TRUMP ADMINISTRATION seems like kind of an important detail to just leave out.

Tell us, New York Review of Books:

The complaint against Chalupa and the DNC was extraordinary for another reason: one former Trump administration official and one current one told me that Whitaker made the filing only after the White House encouraged him to do so. As a CNN legal commentator and the head of FACT, Whitaker was one of the most high-profile and outspoken critics of Special Counsel Robert Mueller's investigation. That caught the attention of President Trump. As a result, Whitaker was interviewed by then-White House Counsel Don McGahn and a second lawyer for the president about joining Trump's legal team. Although Whitaker did not get the job, he and White House officials discussed how Whitaker might serve the president's interests in a private capacity. They suggested specific arguments Whitaker could make in defense of the president. They encouraged him to attack Mueller relentlessly, and they identified other possible targets for him. Among them was Alexandra Chalupa—and not long after that discussion with White House officials, Whitaker filed his complaint against her and the DNC with the FEC.

Oh, hai Don McGahn! How's civilian life treating you? Maybe get your good suit dry cleaned in case you get called to testify before the House Judiciary Committee for some reason.

In discussions with both the ethics officer and a group of Justice officials whom Whitaker selected to consider whether he should recuse himself, Whitaker never disclosed that while he headed FACT and worked as a CNN legal commentator, he had consulted with the White House about lines of attack against Mueller, according to a senior Justice Department official familiar with the matter. Neither did Whitaker inform them that he had filed his complaint against Chalupa and the DNC at the behest of the White House.

So, Whitaker left out the part where the White House gave him a script to go out and attack Mueller and the DNC. And then when the ethics officials told him to recuse, he just told them to get bent anyway? AYFKMRN? That guy better pray William Barr gets confirmed and relieves him of duty, or Jerry Nadler's going to break his gavel up all the way up in Meatball's lyin' ass!

UN. FUCKING. REAL.

[New York Review of Books]

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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.

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