Actual Black People Messing With Donald Trump's YOOOGE Black Pastor Endorsements

Yoooge with the black pastors.

You all know that Donald Trump only gets the very YOOOGEST, most classy endorsements, right? So when Trump says he is gonna be endorsed by black pastors, it means that he is going to have the sexiest most fantastic endorsement you could possibly imagine, probably with a stripper pole, a chocolate fountain, and a throng of black pastors literally crawling over each other, zombie movie style, to be the first to touch and bless The Donald. Except that then a bunch of the black pastors had to ruin it all by mentioning the part where they didn't actually think they were endorsing him at all. Whoops.

Several of the invited pastors said on social media over the weekend they had no intention of endorsing Mr. Trump at this time, as they were still assessing the field as a whole.

“The meeting was presented not as a meeting to endorse but a meeting to engage in dialogue,” wrote Bishop Clarence McClendon, a minister in Los Angeles, on Facebook. Mr. McClendon said he wouldn’t back a candidate until January.

So, after all that, Trump had to basically back down and say he was just going to hang out, chillax, and vibe with some black pastors, and if some of them ended up endorsing him, all the better.

Not to bury the lede here, because lord knows Kaili and the Editrix are going to yell at us for doing so, but how did we not know that Omarosa, she of the first season of "The Apprentice" (and apparently a metric fuckton of other reality teevee shows - nice work if you can get it), is now an ordained Baptist minister who stood shoulder to shoulder with The Donald in his post-meeting presser? So nice to see that she still gets work.

We wonder if she is the one that told him it would be a smart tactic to explain that all The Blacks would have loved him, if it wasn't for those meddling Black Lives Matters kids.

"Probably some of the Black Lives Matter folks called them up, said, 'Oh, you shouldn’t be meeting with Trump because he believes that all lives matter,'" Trump told MSNBC's Joe Scarborough on Monday.

So weird that any BLM folks would find that rhetoric off-putting, right? Buncha delicate flowers.

Turns out that BLM didn't actually take any official stance on Trump's courtship of black pastors, but a whole bunch of other black pastors did.

Will we be a church that openly welcomes without shame, blame, and harm all Black lives, including the lives of queer and trans Black people, or will we be a Church that only cares about the Black lives of people who look, think, act and talk like us? Will we be a Church that thinks actively about the ways that unregulated capitalism brings great harm to the communities we serve, or will we pursue powerful alliances — under the guise of a “prosperity gospel” some prophets profit from — with capitalist chieftans like Trump? Or will we insure that the capitalism that hurts the most of us won’t hurt the least among us?

Man, how are The Blacks ever going to get ahead with that kind of mewly-mouthed "Jesus Loves Me This I Know" kind of thinking? Don't they know that if they back Trump, they're backing huge power, huge money, and huge hair? Don't they want to succeed, hmmmm???

[ The Hill / WSJ / Newsweek / Ebony ]