Actually, Here's a Pretty Great Debate Drinking Game!
Wonkette commenter BlinkyThe3EyedFish came up with a pretty great drinking game for tonight. Maybe there really is hope for America!
Oh, and before we get to the game (after the jump), here are the actual details for tonight's thrilling episode of "Grumpy Old Men: The Series." The debate starts at 8 p.m. Washington time, 5 p.m. Los Angeles time. In order to remind the audience that it's a presidential debate and not just a bunch of senile old guys talking about their cancer surgeries, there will be a large prop behind the geezers: Air Force One. A total of 10 white Republican men will take part, with about seven of them anxious to be the night's "Mike Gravel." Courtesy of Mitt Romney, all candidates will have to be tested on the E-meter for excess Thetans.
OK, let's make our list for the liquor store ....
Wonkette's GOP-Debate Drinking Game (Version 2007.05.03)
* A current scandal (Wolfowitz, attorneygate, etc.) is mentioned: 1 drink
* The scandal was brought up by the candidate unprompted (instead of in a question): 2 drinks
* A Democrat is mentioned by name: 1 drink
* The Democrat is a presidential candidate: 2 drinks
* A candidate criticizes Bush: 1 drink
* The criticism involves Iraq: 2 drinks
* The criticism is Reagan-related (Alzheimer's, stem cells, economic policy): 3 drinks
* "Supply-side": 1 drink
* "Alzheimer's": 1 drink
* "Nuclear": 1 drink
* "Negotiate": 1 drink
* "Negotiate with terrorists": 2 drinks
* "DC madam": 2 drinks
* "Health care": 3 drinks
* "Miserable failure": 5 drinks
* Giuliani implies that there will be fewer attacks under his watch: 1 drink
* Romney gets asked a conceivably Mormonism-related question: 1 drink
* Long McCain pause: chug for the duration of the pause
* The pause is followed by something other than complete nonsense: finish your beer
* Tancredo uses a racial slur: 2 drinks
* A candidate other than Tancredo uses a racial slur: 5 drinks and a shot of tequilla
* A non-invited candidate (Newt, Thompson, Hagel, or Ron Paul) starts heckling from the audience: Finish all the beer available, then run out for more. (Editor's Note: Ron Paul is invited, but you still have to finish all the beer AND EVERYTHING ELSE, INCLUDING SCHNAPPS if Ron Paul heckles from the audience.)