The good news is that Acting Attorney General Meatball seems to be keeping his big paws off the Mueller investigation for the moment. Because even a scamming moron can see that shutting down a high-profile case with thousands of protesters in the street and incoming House Judiciary Chair Jerry Nadler promising to investigate the shit out of him would be REAL DUMB. Besides which, Matthew Whitaker is spending all his time getting sued right now for being faker than a $27 Prada purse. And less useful.

Maryland Attorney General Brian Frosh was first to the party, tacking a challenge to Meatball's appointment onto an existing suit to force the DOJ to enforce the Affordable Care Act. As part of Trump's plan to Make America Great Again by allowing health insurers to discriminate against people with pre-existing conditions, Jefferson Butterbeans Sessions had stopped forcing states to comply with the ACA. With Sessions out, Meatball becomes the named defendant in Maryland's ACA suit, giving the state a vested interest in the legitimacy of the AG appointment.

So Maryland is asking the court to designate Deputy AG Rod Rosenstein as the real Acting AG, as laid out in both the Justice Department's succession statute and the older Attorney General Succession Act. Essentially, Maryland is calling bullshit on Trump's argument that the Vacancies Reform Act, which allows for short-term, temporary appointments, lets the White House shoehorn in any lickspittle hack who strokes Trump's orange ass and promises to murder the Mueller investigation.

Faced with challenges to the legitimacy of his "short-term" pick to lead the Justice Department, Trump reassured the public that Whitaker will be there for a while yet. Maybe even long enough for Democrats to look away over the holidays and let him stick a knife in the Special Counsel's Office. (Okay, that last part was implied.)

Very strategic!

At the same time, Senators Blumenthal, Whitehouse, and Hirono are suing to invalidate Whitaker's appointment under the Appointments Clause, arguing that you can't get around the Senate's obligation to sign off on Cabinet nominees by winking and crossing your fingers while swearing that the post is only "temporary." And NO, the fact that the Senate confirmed Whitaker in 2004 as a US Attorney for the Southern District of Iowa does not count because stop it you're embarrassing yourself!

The U.S. Senate has not consented to Mr. Whitaker serving in any office within the federal government, let alone the highest office of the DOJ. Indeed, before deciding whether to give their consent to Mr. Whitaker serving in such a role, Plaintiffs and other members of the Senate would have the opportunity to consider his espoused legal views, his affiliation with a company that is under criminal investigation for defrauding consumers, and his public comments criticizing and proposing to curtail ongoing DOJ investigations that implicate the President. Mr. Whitaker would not be able to serve as a principal Officer—and exercise the functions and duties of such an office—until he made the disclosures required of a nominee, answered Senators' questions, and convinced a majority of the Senate's members to give their consent to his confirmation.

Sure, Chuck Grassley would probably manage to jam that big, dumb dickhead through the Senate if Trump actually nominated him. But not without ten hours of hearings on Masculine Toilets, failed Iowa real estate deals, patent scams, and whatever else Democrats could unearth. It would be bloody!

And speaking of skeletons in the closet, the Office of Government Ethics has been dragging its feet for two weeks now about releasing Whitaker's financial disclosures. FOIA watchdog group American Oversight and former OGE head Walter Shaub are hot on the trail.

If Walt Shaub is up your ass, you're having a really, really bad day.

What the hell is Meatball hiding? What could possibly be more embarrassing than the Big Dick Energy Toilet? Did he run up hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt at the Bunny Ranch? Are all his liquid assets sunk into vials of bull semen? It would be irresponsible not to speculate!

Oooh, looks like we're about to find out! And on the topic of bull semen, Trump lackey Sam Clovis is back in the news after baring his haunches for the Mueller grand jury. Yahoo reports that Clovis had lots to say about his former campaign treasurer Matt Whitaker during a podcast last week.

"I know Matt very well, I know him well enough that … we've chatted on the phone a lot. We've texted back and forth," Clovis said.

In between commercials for "superior" bull semen and the whistle of a passing train, Clovis said Whitaker "has now been given sole responsibility" for special counsel Robert Mueller's investigation into Russia's role in the 2016 presidential race."

Clovis predicted Whitaker would "do what is right" with respect to the Mueller probe.

"He has my 100 percent support and I know he will follow the evidence where it goes, but he will also not let these things get out of out of control … get outside of the confines of what was intended in the special investigator's position here. So, again, I trust Matt Whitaker to do what he's supposed to do," Clovis said.

Oh, cool. A witness to the a high-profile criminal investigation having back channel communications with the Justice Department Official supervising it. What could possibly go wrong?

On the plus side, the Pleather AG is definitely not smart enough to cover his trail for whatever fuckery he's planning. YOUR MOVE, CHAIRMAN NADLER.

[Maryland v. USA / Blumenthal v. Whitaker / Yahoo]

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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.


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