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Ain't Nobody Here But Us Chickens

* Bush runs the world because his daddy ran the world because his daddy ran the world. We've got photographic proof!


* When that bird dropped a load on President Bush, it was the first salvo of a new global war on humans.

* Hillary Shocker: She's kind of a pushy broad.

* Sorry, Bloomberg: America likes its rulers to be gentile billionaires.

* LOL!!!1! AHM IN UR WITE HAUS, FUKKIN UP UR COUNTREE

* We found out how to get Tom Friedman to pimp your book.

* For just a young gal of 33 with nothing more than a degree from some pretend Jesus college, Monica Goodling sure had a quick rise to the top of the Bush-Gonzales Crime Syndicate!

* Dick Cheney's unmarried lesbian daughter gave birth to a baby boy (father unknown, of course). It's like when Dan Quayle attacked Murphy Brown for being a single career woman who had a baby boy, only this time instead of the vice president criticizing the amoral-yet-fictional TV character, the vice president is actually the father of the amoral-yet-real woman, and she's a lesbian. We sent our good wishes.

* Oh yeah, and Dick Cheney's on the DC Madam's client list, too. Conservatives these days are just wacky!

* Grown men screamed at each other about "chicken pluckers" -- in the Senate, of course.

* Oh no! Paul and Shaha broke up? We can't believe it! (No, really, we can't believe it.)

* Hey guys, there's a great new political cartoon you'll really enjoy.

* Fundamentalist religious fanatics who hate our Precious Freedoms(tm) tried to blow up Jerry Falwell's funeral. Thanks to our brave leaders, all the Christians are now locked up at Gitmo and won't attack us again.

* Ben Bradlee fucked your hot young wife this morning as he was running by with the Olympic Torch.

* An actress is now appearing in the vicinity of Florida Governor Charlie Crist.

* "Dear Diary, I think the A-Team is a better program than Hart to Hart, but Mommy says the president of South America is coming for dinner tonight so I should put on my nice suit. I hope we can have cake and ice cream later."

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Is there ANY good news for the bumblefucking Trump re-election campaign these days? Their polling numbers are in the shitter, therefore Trump is firing the pollsters. Trump's Hitler rally kickoff event in Florida last night was ... whatever it was. Oh, and did we mention that they ain't got no money? Like, of course, not counting whatever Russian money they're not telling us about.

Don Jr. recently called a prominent donor and warned that Trump's money haul is falling behind where Barack Obama was early in his reelection, while Jared Kushner has privately complained to RNC chairwoman Ronna Romney McDaniel that Trump's war chest is not as big as it should be at this point in the cycle.

Whiiiiiiiiiine. Guess they're gonna have to see if they can launder some rubles somewhere, ALLEGEDLY.

Gabe Sherman has some more bad news about Trump's shithole campaign, and it is that Robert and Rebekah Mercer, the father-daughter billionaire duo who bankrolled much of Trump's "victory" in 2016 -- including funding Breitbart, and also the part of the "victory" that comprised Cambridge Analytica, the data company they owned that may have done some real hinky stuff, possibly with Russia, in order to get Trump "elected" -- have zipped up their checkbooks and decided Trump can go eat dicks for all they care.

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Spinal Tap - Gimme Some Money

Some dick is suing your Wonkette! If you are able, will you please send money?

1. Pick "just once" or "monthly."

2. Pick an amount, like say "all of the money."

3. Click "paypal" if you are paypal or "stripe" if you are not paypal.

4. MONEY.

5. Carry on with your day, and with new posts below!

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