Ain't Nobody Here But Us Chickens

* Bush runs the world because his daddy ran the world because his daddy ran the world. We've got photographic proof!

* When that bird dropped a load on President Bush, it was the first salvo of a new global war on humans.

* Hillary Shocker: She's kind of a pushy broad.

* Sorry, Bloomberg: America likes its rulers to be gentile billionaires.


* We found out how to get Tom Friedman to pimp your book.

* For just a young gal of 33 with nothing more than a degree from some pretend Jesus college, Monica Goodling sure had a quick rise to the top of the Bush-Gonzales Crime Syndicate!

* Dick Cheney's unmarried lesbian daughter gave birth to a baby boy (father unknown, of course). It's like when Dan Quayle attacked Murphy Brown for being a single career woman who had a baby boy, only this time instead of the vice president criticizing the amoral-yet-fictional TV character, the vice president is actually the father of the amoral-yet-real woman, and she's a lesbian. We sent our good wishes.

* Oh yeah, and Dick Cheney's on the DC Madam's client list, too. Conservatives these days are just wacky!

* Grown men screamed at each other about "chicken pluckers" -- in the Senate, of course.

* Oh no! Paul and Shaha broke up? We can't believe it! (No, really, we can't believe it.)

* Hey guys, there's a great new political cartoon you'll really enjoy.

* Fundamentalist religious fanatics who hate our Precious Freedoms(tm) tried to blow up Jerry Falwell's funeral. Thanks to our brave leaders, all the Christians are now locked up at Gitmo and won't attack us again.

* Ben Bradlee fucked your hot young wife this morning as he was running by with the Olympic Torch.

* An actress is now appearing in the vicinity of Florida Governor Charlie Crist.

* "Dear Diary, I think the A-Team is a better program than Hart to Hart, but Mommy says the president of South America is coming for dinner tonight so I should put on my nice suit. I hope we can have cake and ice cream later."


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