Alabama Dems Show Rest Of Us How To THROW THE F*CK DOWN
This year as we've watched Senate races, we've kept in mind that Alabama Democratic Senator Doug Jones is probably going to lose, and we are probably going to have to accept that. After all, while Alabama did elect a Democratic senator, which shows it can be done, his opponent was credibly accused of preying on kids as young as 14.
So ... SHRUGGIE.
But former Auburn coach Tommy Tuberville beat Jeff Sessions for the GOP nomination, and if the Alabama Democrats have anything to say about it, that's as close to the endzone as he's getting. Y'all, they were ready for this. And from what we're hearing, Tuberville is exactly who they wanted to run against.
Here's where they started, once the race was called.
He lost his last Iron Bowl 36-0, collects millions of dollars in pension money from hard-working Alabamians, and bi… https://t.co/zBvX7kh7Z2— Alabama Democrats (@Alabama Democrats) 1594776358.0
Want to help @DougJonesHQ beat Tuberville like *Nick* Saban did in his last Iron Bowl? Here’s our SoundCloud.… https://t.co/EeDjlIPrlq— Alabama Democrats (@Alabama Democrats) 1594780089.0
OK, y'all, you're going to see a lot of references to "Iron Bowl." If you do not live in the South or pay attention to SEC football, you may not know that the Iron Bowl is the huge face-off between Auburn, where Tuberville coached, and Alabama, where Saban coaches. Political divides in the South are big, obviously, but college football rivalries are BIGLARGEHUGE.
This is, to put it elegantly, throwing the fuck down. (And if you want an explanation for the Fred Talley joke, it is here.)
The Alabama Democrats RTed this one Wednesday night, from when they sent it originally last week. Sounds like they were running against Tuberville before he even beat Sessions.
Tommy Tuberville said he'd leave Ole Miss "in a pine box." Days later, he left for Auburn. Never told his players g… https://t.co/7dyTz1A5ct— Alabama Democrats (@Alabama Democrats) 1594389705.0
Different town, and pro football instead of SEC, but have we ever told you the story of how people in Memphis hate and do not give a flying fuck about the Tennessee Titans, because they crashed in Memphis while they were waiting for their shiny stadium to be built in Nashville, and proceeded to act like dick-clown garbage about our town that entire season? That was 1997. Still hate the Titans. At least a whole lot of us do.
Point is, they are talking loud and clear right there to the college football fans of the state of Alabama, who also have long memories.
Speaking of. They RTed this:
OH NO THEY DID NOT SAY THAT. You do not bring up "lost to Vanderbilt" jokes unless you are trying to inflict actual emotional pain. And yes, Tuberville did lose to Vanderbilt. With ESPN in town. The whole story is here, on this Vanderbilt fan website.
It was real bad.
So the Alabama Democrats repurposed the joke and told it again, but even funnier:
You, scared of your own shadow: “Can an incumbent Democratic Senator win a red state?” Us, ready to storm hell wit… https://t.co/UGqfl2uOMt— Alabama Democrats (@Alabama Democrats) 1594787784.0
OH MY GOD.
"Ready to storm hell with a super-soaker." We believe them.
The number of people giving the Doug Jones campaign money just for that phrase, damn.
Y’all watch The Blind Side? The guy who played Tubs’s assistant was actually his biz partner. TS Capital was a Ponz… https://t.co/K7rqmdxJ03— Alabama Democrats (@Alabama Democrats) 1594818852.0
"Y'all watch The Blind Side?" What, you mean that southern football movie
that's mostly bullshit and believe us, we know, because that movie is about our high school every southern college football fan watched? Yeah, they've seen it.
Sen. Jones got justice for four little girls murdered during church by the Klan. Tommy Tuberville thought a one-ga… https://t.co/hEVKvujvh0— Alabama Democrats (@Alabama Democrats) 1594783382.0
What? Wow. The Alabama Democratic Party is giving a fucking graduate-level class on How To Twitter right now. Hope literally everyone in Democratic politics is taking notes.
Who wants to be a shithead to Jeff Sessions one more time by posting a pic of him with Rudy Giuliani's indicted pal Lev Parnas? The Alabama Democrats do, with an assist from Sarah McLachlan:
🎼 I will remember youuuuuuu...... https://t.co/JsPkNu4uAe https://t.co/9JyZk4fcY8— Alabama Democrats (@Alabama Democrats) 1594823081.0
LOL, but back to the real business at hand.
Alabama Democrats would like y'all to know that Auburn fans who think Tuberville is garbage are welcome to come sit by Doug Jones.
#WarDemEagle https://t.co/UDhPJcrzQ1 https://t.co/AVOtWksVyc— Alabama Democrats (@Alabama Democrats) 1594833871.0
(If you did not know, WAR EAGLE is a thing you yell in the streets of Auburn, Alabama, on game day.)
One more very mean sports joke and we're done here:
We'd tell you the most accurate recent polling we've seen has Doug tied with Tubs 46-46. But you'd think we were ly… https://t.co/rsA7DQJ0Yy— Alabama Democrats (@Alabama Democrats) 1594837370.0
Oh it's tied? GIVE THAT MAN YOUR MONEY.
Y'all, that's just 24 hours of Twitter. Imagine how much material they've got left.
Now, if all Democrats could just combine the vicious LOL-itude of the Alabama Democrats with the just plain viciousness of the LIncoln Project, people might stop making fun of the Democrats for being such a common Tommy Tuberville when it comes to campaign messaging.
Watch. And. Learn.
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