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[contextly_sidebar id="LjTke9pEzCznYVIoNw286gPnVayhRlQj"]Oh great, now it's time to hear from the woman Republican Alabama Gov. Robert Bentley DID NOT have physical relations with. Honest! He may have penis-lusted after her in his brain, but he did not brain-lust her with his penis. Anyway, he's super sorry for not having sex with her, and for how you think he totally had sex with her so many times. Why would you think that? It's not like there was an audiotape where Bentley and the lady, Rebekah Caldwell Mason, discuss playing naked hokey pokey with each other's peen-ginas, oh wait there was.

The point is that you only think Gov. Bentley planted his wangdoodle in his favorite longtime aide's lady garden because she is a woman. If she were a man, you would not think that. Nope. Let her tell you it:

"There is no way that man [former Secretary of Alabama Law Enforcement Spencer Collier] would have said what he did...about another man. He only said what he said about my professional abilities because I am a woman. His comments were clear, demonstrated gender bias," Mason said.

What brand of Alabama tobacco sharts are you smoking, madam? You either bone-zoned him on his boy clam or you didn't. And what ze fuck you talkin' about your "professional abilities"? Nobody is saying you're not good at your job working for the governor, which you got paid $426,978 in Alabama farthings for in 2014. People are simply saying that, you know, y'all critters also like to fuck each other's brains out, due to longstanding allegations, rumors and OH BY THE WAY that audiotape of y'all talkin' bout fuckin'. And the sexxxy sext Collier says he saw. HMMMMMM.

Let's take a looky at Mason's entire statement and see if she actually in any way says she's never met the governor's penis:

Huh! We see "gender bias" and some bullshit about God, but no denials.

[contextly_sidebar id="zQsHUq9cpJTo5iqxoRv1Vw6Lkf9o555S"]But she's totally right, nobody would even be saying this if she was a dude. Nobody remotely said former Sen. Larry Craig liked to suck cock in airports, but they probably would have if Craig was sporting a hoo-ha below his belt. Remember how former New Jersey Gov. Jim McGreevey banged so many guys what were not his wife, and made a speech about how "I Am A Gay American"? Nope, you don't, because nobody would ever say such a thing about a man.

[contextly_sidebar id="G06nUGc2DamLEVPzy6QMj7ttBA4VxYpa"]And don't even get us started about how nobody would ever accuse former House Speaker Denny Hastert of covering up how former congressman Mark Foley liked to fingerbang his erection to climax while he sexted male congressional pages. Or how this one lady said Hastert molested the bejesus out of her brother when he was in high school. AND SO ON.

[contextly_sidebar id="41wBykkfEH9n0WtLA8fOIufTDDQ0hF0G"]Wait, are people being sexist against Gov. Bentley too, by suggesting he boned his lady adviser? Nah, that's not sexist. He probably fucked her all the time (ALLEGEDLY) because of his deep abiding love for America, just like Newt Gingrich.

[contextly_sidebar id="WioRePnz3vFhJCCyhXD9zDdCwjTBAya9"]Look, sexism is a very real thing, and if it is somehow present here, we want to know about it. But if Ms. Mason is yelling "gender bias" simply because that's the only thing she can think of to say while she waits for her blue dresses to come back from the cleaners, and also if she is conveniently forgetting to ACTUALLY DENY her own extramarital activities, then she needs to can it.

[AL.com]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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