There is a super-big primary tonight in the great state of Alabama! The state's wealthy, white, land-owning males will decide which candidate becomes their official GOP candidate for governor. Everyone in Alabama is so excited, according to the Anniston Star: "Election officials say Alabama voters planning to participate in the primary election don't have to worry about long lines or crowds at the polls." Ten points for democracy!

So let's all put in a Christian Prayer for a Tim James victory, since he made the funniest ads. And you snotty out-of-staters don't want the hilarious "Tim James" YouTubes to stop, do you? Go pretend to vote for him NOW.

The clip above is Tim James' latest (final?) ad, in which the little baby businessman begs for everyone's vote, like a slob. He even leaves his mahoganied plantation mansion in this one, preferring instead to aimlessly wander around his mahoganied plantation mansion's mansion-size gardens. That's how serious he is about politics!

He also goes off-script at the end, the fucker. "IT MAKES SENSE TO ME... DOES IT TO YOU?" IS THE LINE, NO SELF-INDULGENT RHAPSODIZING PLEASE THANK YOU.

[Vanity Fair]