Alan Dershowitz Was America's Least Favorite Party Guest In 2018
Remember this summer when The New York Times ran approximately 85,000 articles all about how poor Alan Dershowitz didn't get invited to any parties on Martha's Vineyard this summer, supposedly on account of how he had Donald Trump cooties? And supposedly this was some kind of sign of how terribly and unfairly divided we've become, rather than just a sign that maybe Alan Dershowitz was not fun at parties?
Well! Summertime isn't the only time this cruel, cruel world is condemning Dershowitz to stand alone in a corner eating crudités by his lonesome. The world's least popular lawyer is now reporting that he's not even being asked to go on CNN these days, and claims it's because they think he is madly in love with Donald Trump even though he is not in love with Donald Trump (he is definitely in love with Donald Trump).
Appearing on C-SPAN on Thursday, Dershowitz told a caller who was afraid that the media was going to make people not like Donald Trump all about how very divided the media is these days, and how that is best exemplified by the fact that he is not even invited to be on CNN anymore.
Alan Dershowitz: CNN Won't Call Me Anymore; 12-26-2018 youtu.be
Via The Hill:
"More and more I'm getting called on only by people who misunderstand and think I'm pro-Trump. I'm not pro-Trump, but it's been harder for me to get on anti-Trump networks – not that I'm craving to be on television all the time," Dershowitz, who frequently appears on Fox News, told C-SPAN's "Washington Journal."
"I have a good life, but it has had an impact on which channels seek my services more often, and that's changed," he said. "I used to be, for example, on CNN more often than on Fox. I was a regular, not paid, but just a person who was on all the time debating with [CNN legal analyst Jeffrey] Toobin, debating with others.
"I haven't been on CNN, now, since the summer, and Fox calls me all the time," he added. "I'd love to be available to people who watch all channels and I try to write op-eds widely for different newspapers and different media."
Dershowitz's last CNN appearance was on Sept. 14, when he debated Toobin.
ALAN. Alan. Can we talk for a moment here? There are pro-Trump people on CNN all the damn time. Just go ahead and Google "CNN Trump surrogate" and you will see lots of names. Sure! They keep getting kicked off because it turns out they have a history of sexual harassment or because one time they were alleged to give a lady the abortion pill without her consent (THEY SUPER DENY IT AND WILL SUE YOU A LOT), or because they did too much Sieg Heiling, but they always seem to find new ones! It seems pretty unlikely that CNN would have them on, but not have you on because they -- according to you -- think you like Donald Trump. There are probably other reasons! Just like how there were probably other reasons people did not invite you to any clambakes this summer on the Vineyaaahd. And sure! That may have been because they thought you loved Donald Trump, because of how you are always up his ass, but did the Martha's Vineyard Republican Club invite you over either? I rest my case.
It is easy to blame others. CNN does not invite me on to talk either! Is this because they are just jealous of how pretty I am? Does Fox not invite me on because I am amazing at explaining why socialized medicine is actually a lot cheaper for everyone involved than our current set up? Or is it perhaps because I am just not that famous? It could be any of these reasons, but it's probably the last one. Occam's razor and all that.
And just a hot charm tip from me to you, but also everyone in general -- if you go around being all "Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, guess I'll go eat worms" about shit all the time, it will always become a self-fulfilling prophecy. People are basically lazy and if you tell them that no one likes you, they will usually assume that all those other people are probably onto something. It's like you're doing their investigative work for them. They will appreciate it and then just avoid you because you seem like kind of a bummer.
And you do, Alan Dershowitz. You do seem like kind of a bummer.
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Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse