Alan Keyes Wants YOU To Drink Bleach (Do Not Do That, You Will Die!)
Hey! Remember Alan Keyes? The Black Republican guy who runs for President and isn't Herman Cain or Ben Carson? The gay-hating guy with the crazy eyes who used to work for Reagan? Who once moved to Chicago briefly in hopes of stealing Senator Barack Obama's seat (SPOILER: It did not work out)? Well he's back, and he's now in the dangerous snake oil game. I'd say "Surprise!," but it actually seems pretty apt.
As first reported by Kelly Weill of the Daily Beast, Keyes has been using his new platform on the internet TV station IAMtv (which probably isn't related to the I AM Activity cult, but who knows anymore!) to promote the use of "Miracle Mineral Solution" (MMS) as a cure for almost everything.
The other name for Miracle Mineral Solution, however, is chlorine dioxide, and it is primarily used to bleach things. As you may have guessed, it is not safe to drink and several people have died or gotten sick from trying to drink it.
In November, Keyes did a full show on the Magical Mister Mistoffelees Solution with fellow IAMtv host Bob Sisson and Chicago real estate agent Kerri Rivera, who claims to have "reversed" her kid's autism by making him drink bleach.
Sisson is, apparently, a very big fan of bleach drinking, having bragged in August about how his association with Keyes allows him to introduce people like creationist Ken Ham, Matt Bevin and Bill Lee to the wonders of Murder She Wrote Solution, hoping that some day Donald Trump would find out about all the bleach drinking and invite him and Alan Keyes up for a bleach cocktail party.
Via Daily Beast:
On a broadcast in August, IAMtv host Bob Sisson invoked Keyes' name while discussing MMS.
"I get to use my 'I work with Alan Keyes,'" Sisson said, miming a fishing rod as he pretended to reel someone in with Keyes' name.
"Which is sorta cool because I met [Christian personality] Ken Ham a week ago; I met the governor of Kentucky, Matt Bevin, a super guy; met Governor Bill Lee here in Tennessee.
"Gonna meet Trump, it's only a matter of time. President Trump's gonna invite us up there, when he finds out about this stuff," Sisson added.
He held up green and blue bottles stamped with the logo for the Genesis II Church of Health and Healing that apparently contained the chemicals that create the dangerous cocktail chlorine dioxide, or "MMS" when combined.
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel Solution is primarily manufactured by the Genesis II Church of Health and Healing, which in April of this year, hosted a $450 seminar on the health benefits of bleach drinking. As I wrote at the time:
Now, $450 may seem like a lot of money now, but I bet it won't seem like any money at all once you are dead from drinking bleach.
The Facebook page also included a link to this terrifying video of MMS people going to Uganda and forcing malaria-stricken babies to drink bleach as they scream out in pain. 0/10 do not recommend watching. It is pretty horrifying.
According to this church and some crazy people on the internet, MMS can be used to cure HIV, autism, diabetes, malaria, cancer, acne, and a variety of other ailments, including Morgellons. Yes! You too can cure yourself of a pretend disease by drinking MIRACLE bleach. What a fabulous blessing. Of course, what they don't tell you is that the reason you will no longer be suffering from these issues is because you will be dead. Because drinking bleach kills you, just like it killed this lady.
The $450 price tag also includes an official Church membership card, which they claim will allow one to get out of taking vaccines and bypass airport security.
And here is a little more history about Mighty Mouse Solution that even I did not know, but which I feel is necessary to include here, because "space navy."
The term MMS first appeared in 2006 in a self-published book by Jim Humble. A former Scientologist who claims to be an alien god who arrived on Earth via "the space navy," Humble said he used MMS to cure thousands of cases of malaria and HIV in South America and Africa. He went on to found the Genesis II Church of Health and Healing, where MMS is the center of worship. Although a small industry of MMS peddlers have since appeared, Genesis II remains at the movement's forefront, and its products and leaders are common in IAMtv videos.
The really messed up and sad thing about all of this is that we live in a country where we make it really easy for people like Keyes and others to sell dangerous snake oil products to desperate people in need of health care. And hell, even for those who do have health care, it's hard to trust doctors when you know they could just be recommending medications from pharmaceutical companies that give them lots of money and gifts rather than whatever medication is best for you, as a patient. How are you supposed to trust hospitals when they charge $200 for a box of Kleenex? Or the health industry when you pay your insurance premium every month and then end up in the hospital only to discover that your insurance doesn't actually cover the thing you need it to cover and now you're broke forever? It's horrible, it's scary, it's expensive and it barely makes any sense.
Most of these people aren't drinking bleach or Borax or using corrosive black salve to cure cancer (do not do a Google image search on this) because they have great health care and trust the health care industry and are just otherwise stupid, they're doing it because they are desperate. Because they don't have a lot of options when it comes to health care.
If only there was something we could do to make people less vulnerable to this kind of bullshit!
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Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Previously, she was a Senior Staff Writer at Death & Taxes, and Assistant Editor at The Frisky (RIP). Currently, she writes for Wonkette, Friendly Atheist, Quartz and other sites. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse