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Alec Baldwin Did Not Gay Slur That Man, But If He Did It Was Shia LaBeouf's Fault

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alec baldwin gifHere is an oral history of the Trials of Alec Baldwin, and would you believe Alec Baldwin is not to blame for gay slurring that man whom he did not gay slur? ("All this is based on the fact of them believing what I said on a video.")


Before we get to the endless Old Testament-styley begats of everyone in the world who is to blame for Alec Baldwin gay-slurring that man, which, we repeat, he did not do, a warmup:

Alec Baldwin calls a gay group in Hawaii. An "M-to-F tranny" (Alec Baldwin, that is no longer the preferred nomenclature, dude) asks sniffily if he wants to be "dry-cleaned." No, he does not want to be dry-cleaned because he did not gay-slur that man, he just wants to find out what gets the gays so mad, and give them some money to make it all go away. It is the opposite of dry-cleaning! Also, there is a delightfully Donald Trumplike interlude where Baldwin quotes New Yorkers calling him a great New Yorker who does so much for charity. Good to know!

Now, without further ado, An Incomplete List of People Who Are to Blame for Alec Baldwin Gay-Slurring That Man Whom He Did Not Gay Slur, But If He Did It, according to the Gospel of Alec Baldwin:

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Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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