Alex Jones Auditions To Be Trump's White House Press Secretary With Very Sane Revolution Rant

Watch where you point that thing, bub

Alex Jones is kind of a sore winner. After his boy Donald Trump won the Indiana primary Tuesday night and Ted Cruz dropped out of the campaign, Jones posted a rambling shouty video -- and we mean rambling, even for Alex Jones -- to YouTube, only to delete it Wednesday morning. Possibly Jones realized it wasn't too smart to put up a video graphically encouraging George Will to commit suicide. Or maybe he didn't like the lighting. Jones is picky that way as are so many auteurs.

Jones started by accusing everybody in the media of trying to bring down Trump because the Great Man is "a symbol of nationalism, a symbol of Americana, and a symbol of rebellion against tyranny. And everything the political whores, the presstitutes could do, blew up in their stinking, traitorous faces." He inveighed against cable networks with their fancy news sets and their “hot blondes crossing and uncrossing their legs, sexually titillating the teleprompter," which suggests Jones knows very little about teleprompter technology. He also accused the cable networks of colluding with all the evil forces in the world to take down Trump:

the Communist Chinese teaming up, the Communist Pope teaming up, the Mexican presidents and former presidents teaming up, Hollywood, ABC, and Quantico, saying "Donald Trump's a terrorist," and "'Make America First' means you want to blow stuff up."

We bet Bad Horse and the Evil League of Evil felt mighty bad about being left off that list.

Jones went on to remind America that "the Communist Chinese have killed close to a hundred million people," and expressed his outrage and disgust that "those murdering bastards -- that manipulate in our internal affairs -- have the nerve to tell us, 'You can't have Donald Trump.'" So that's who's been telling us that! Also, Jones objected to nationalists being compared to Nazis, because for one thing, "Good God, it's America that defeated the stinkin' Nazis." It's a valid point: Alex Jones has nowhere near as coherent an ideology.

Then Jones launched into a tirade against George Will's recent column calling for Republicans to defeat Trump in 50 states and then work to repair the party and win the White House in 2020. Jones mentioned offhand that the Washington Post is “openly run by the CIA, look it up,” then compared Will unfavorably to Ted Bundy: "cute little haircut ... classic serial killer look. He's not killing individual women, probably, in basements; he's killin' the Constitution and Bill of Rights." Oh, but behind the "shit-eating grin of a pseudo-intellectual" is an actual, literal "Constitutional rapist":

This man is literally mounting America, raping it in the ass, and telling us how great he is. I mean, George Will, you are a discredited fop. Put down your thesaurus, look in the mirror, realize you're a traitor, and do the right thing, and put a .357 magnum to your head, and blow what little is left of your brains out all over yourself, OK? You traitor, you Benedict Arnold, you piece of filth.

Man. We thought Will's book about baseball was a tad pretentious, but Jones is really harsh.

Jones then warned "you Benedict Arnolds" -- presumably everyone from George Will to everyone else in the media -- that "we're comin' for you. With information warfare, and peace and love and liberty. Your time's up, and you know it. Just like Ceausescu."

Yes, Peace and Love and Liberty apparently will look like this:

This man has odd thoughts. He apologized, at least, for his rough language, though he noted the hypocrisy of a world where he gets grief for saying bad words while "the Clintons fly off to Pleasure Island and rape kids."

Also, too, Jones was very pleased that Trump had picked up the real truth about Ted Cruz's weird daddy's role in the JFK assassination, warned against Establishment dirty tricks at the Republican convention, and called out those filthy traitorous liberals at Fox News for suggesting there's anything bad about Donald Trump palling around with nuts like Alex Jones. Jones bragged that he's actually more popular than ever, just like Trump: “my sponsorship’s exploding, my listenership’s exploding.” Not literally, just yet, but somebody's going to have to start making the suicide vests for his little revolution, no?

Jones closed by applauding -- literally clapping -- the brave voters who "saw through the hype" and made Trump the GOP nominee, and also congratulated

everybody that understands how epic a time we’re living in. Whether Trump’s real or not doesn’t matter -- this is all a massive test of the will of the people. So I want to salute you, and understand we’re on the path to victory. One day closer to victory, everybody on or behind enemy lines. Never forget: if you are watching this transmission, you are the resistance.

But what about those of us watching it and giggling at the delusional shouty man? We guess we'll get gunned down in the street with all that love and peace. Heaven only knows why Jones would have pulled this fine rant from his YouTube channel; it really helps one understand what he's all about: This is a man who's auditioning for White House Press Secretary.

[Media Matters]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.


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