Alex Jones Knows 'Deep State' Roofies Trump's Diet Cokes, But SHHHH THEY'LL MURDER HIM IF YOU TELL

Bringer of secrets

WELL, WELL, WELL. Alex Jones, investigator and figure-outer of all the secret truths that exist, has done it again. He has "spoken" to his "sources" and they have told him that every single night, the Deep State sneaks into the Oval Office (yes, the entire Deep State, single file) and puts a roofie in Donald Trump's Diet Coke and one in his iced tea and one in his burnt steak and one in each scoop of his ice cream. Hell, General John Kelly probably hollers, "Who's a good boy! Who's a good boy!" from his office, which makes Trump gallop on all fours toward the voice of the nice chief of staff who says he's a good boy, at which point he sits and shakes and rolls over and plays dead, earning his reward of as many spoonfuls of peanut butter as he wants, all of which are FULL OF DRUGS.

This is a thing that happens. ALEX JONES KNOWS.

I mean this is the kind of thing that gets you killed.

The cold never bothered Alex Jones anyway.

They drug presidents because the power structure wants a puppet. The president needs his blood tested by an outside physician he trusts.

Well there's always this guy:

That's the ticket.

But wait, what if Dr. Weirdass up there runs the tests and just finds usual stuff like Adderall, Imodium AD, Heartgard and whatever they use to treat syphilis acquired in the late 1970s?


Oh well. Even if they ferret out whatever Trump is almost certainly being drugged with, the Deep State always has Plan B, i.e. that one weird chemtrail that comes out of Air Force One's fanny and goes directly up the president's nose.

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[Media Matters]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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