Alexander the Great Was a Hero to Some

Please Pay No Attention To My Silly Blonde Hair Or My Hard OnWe've been getting multiple reports of Michael Douglas sightings and understand that he's in town to make a movie of some kind. You know what that means: Eventually, we will see his ass. Contemplating this thought made our minds turn to film criticism in general and we asked our own Fred Becker if he's seen anything good lately:

Salutem Plurimam Wonkette,


Before joining my other GS-9 colleagues here at the Department of Homeland Security (today is Burnt Umber Friday) I was browsing what the man whose picture is in the lobby likes to call the webonator. I saw on the Drudge Report that Oliver Stone is starting to resemble Mr. Bush: He is blaming others for his failures.

Fred's thoughts continue after the jump.

Stone says the youth of America just didn’t understand his movie "Alexander." He says, "Because of BRAVEHEART, I think kids see ancient times as, 'Hey man, that's violence!' They don't see it as separate cultures that in some cases had stronger values than ours.”

He also could have said that Alexander achieved the Olympian goal known as “the worst film in recorded time,” not even the Greeks could make a worse film. Of course, if they made any film at all that would be a great achievement. In any case, it is the first film about Alexander the Great in which he is Irish however, which is nice. That should make the attack by the Danes in Stone's 9/11 film very compelling.

I am shutting down this horrible machine. Until I hit the on button again, or kindle more coal to light its fires I remain,

 Herniated form lugging unfocused scorn,



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How do you do, fellow libs? We come together tonight to cheer and clap and cry and laugh, with our leader, Elizabeth Warren, and her fellow nice people Jay Inslee (the gold standard in climate action), Beto O'Rourke (excellent on being a good ally mostly), Cory Booker (best corny love hippie but also Wall Street, it's weird), Julian Castro (I don't know, people are super into him despite his creepy twinness and his too much pomade), Amy Klobuchar (bad bitch), Bill de Blasio ( ... ), John Delaney (???), and Tim Ryan and Tulsi Gabbard.

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We know, the thing we said in our headline is a thing you can say every day, but it's really intense today, maybe because Donald Trump is now filled with fear of the inescapable reality that millions of Americans who have not read the Mueller Report are going to see Robert Mueller testify on live TV on July 17, and Donald Trump will be exposed. Maybe the Big Mac vending machine next to his golden toilet is on the fritz and he hasn't had gotten to eat a Big Mac on the poop chair since last night. Maybe he's just a weak and sad person, a collection of shithole cells God meant to throw in the garbage, but accidentally implanted in Mary Trump's turkey incubator. We imagine that'd lead to a pretty constant state of anxiety and ennui.

Whatever it is, he's totally fucked right now. We were going to write a nice post about Trump's batshit interview on Fox Business with Maria Bartiromo, but we were busy, and by the time we got to it, he had performed so many batshit feats that we're just going to stick them all in this one post.

Let's start with the fight he's trying to wage with US soccer star Megan Rapinoe, who in a now-viral video stated that she has no fuckin' interest in going to the White House to meet that idiot. He got into a quarrel with her on Twitter ... or at least with a Twitter account that didn't belong to her. It's now been replaced, in order that the adult president may shit-tweet at the soccer superstar who hurt his feelings, but Splinter grabbed the original:

The rant continued:

Right. And Megan Rapinoe just said win or lose, she has no interest in meeting your crusty ass, because no decent American would consider that an honor.

Besides, she has already been to the White House to meet a legitimately elected president:

By the by, the owner of the incorrect Megan Rapinoe account saw Trump's whining and told him to grow a dick and set it on fire:

Ya burnt!

But as we said, it was a whole day of batshit from Trump, so let's continue.

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