AP Can't Say Her Name But Wonkette Can: Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez!
via the candidate's Facebook

Big news from the Associated Press! And it is that powerful Democratic Rep. Joe Crowley has been defeated in the primary in New York's 14th district! And who is the winner? Oh, it is just "young challenger":

Who the fuck is running things over there? To be fair, AP did name ALEXANDRIA OCASIO-CORTEZ, the 28-year-old democratic socialist who kicked Crowley's ass, in a later tweet, but only after half the internet screamed, "SHE HAS A NAME, YOU KNOW."

Donald Trump is excited, because Donald Trump is an absolute moron:

That's right, dipshit, NY-14 turned out to vote for a Latina democratic socialist who wants to abolish ICE because her opponent Joe Crowley failed to be polite enough to Donald Trump. Good analysis, champ! Of course, we are not sure Trump even knew there were primaries last night before one of his aides tried to explain it to him while dangling a Big Mac on a chain in front of his face.

But how did this happen? How did the guy who is literally the party boss in Queens get taken down by this newcomer? Hot takes abound! Did one Democratic primary race out of 435 House races CHANGE EVERYTHING? Some seem to think so! Kayleigh McEnany, the Harvard Law-educated Republican woman who is now paid big bucks to pretend to be real stupid, agrees with Trump and predicts a red tsunami, because if a democratic socialist like Ocasio-Cortez wins in Queens and the Bronx, how could any other Democrat possibly win in ANY OTHER PLACE?

McEnany adds many times that this means there will be a RED TSUNAMI, you know, because she went to Harvard Law and knows stuff about things. Dave Weigel had one of the best responses to that sort of thinking:

Good luck in Iowa and Michigan, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez!

New York Times fucking idiot Jonathan Martin thinks this is somehow Glenn Greenwald's doing, because as we all know, behind every badass young female candidate is a whiny-ass gay Russian intelligence asset dude in Brazil with a glorified LiveJournal:

Yeah, no.

Know who deserves credit for Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez's win? Oh, just this one person named Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. Let her tell you:

Ocasio-Cortez cites her message, the fact that she knows her damn district, and good old-fashioned door-knocking to explain her win. In the clip above, the CNN lady tries to bait her into talking shit about the Democratic Party, because the media doesn't know how to talk about this unless it is DEMOCRATIC INFIGHTING, WHAT DOES THIS MEAN FOR NANCY PELOSI????? But the fact is that a really cool candidate worked her ass off, and she won.

As Weigel reports, just a year ago Ocasio-Cortez was working at a bar in Manhattan called Flats Fix, which she had helped to open. She was a Bernie Sanders supporter, and this is the platform she ran on:

In her campaign videos and posters, designed by friends from New York's socialist circles, she came out for the abolition of ICE, universal Medicare, a federal jobs guarantee and free college tuition. The ads also made it clear that she was a different candidate — a young Latina from the Bronx, not a white man from Queens. The posters, which she said were designed to look "revolutionary," were bilingual and centered her face; her viral campaign video, created by a socialist team called Means of Production, began with her saying that "women like me aren't supposed to run for office" over an image of her getting ready for the day in a busy apartment building.

Oh yes, that ad! It is one of the loveliest ads to come out of this year's campaigns so far:

Hillary Clinton won NY-14 by a margin of 77-20. With 98% reporting, Ocasio-Cortez has defeated Crowley with 57.5% of the vote in a low turn-out primary and will most certainly end up heading to Congress in November as the youngest woman ever elected to that body. She managed this despite how in the last three months, she spent a whopping $127,000, compared to Crowley's $1.09 million.

Here is how Crowley responded to his defeat:

Despite what idiot Beltway journalists may say, there's really not much evidence on the ground of a DEMOCRATIC SCHISM!!!11!!!! Mostly it exists on Twitter, so if you stay inside all day plugged up to that stupid machine, if you're one of those people who thinks Twitter is the real world, it probably seems like OMG 24/7 DEMOCRAT FIGHT! Unfortunately for those who insist on fomenting discord, though, Democratic voters seem not to have gotten the message. People are getting excited about candidates who are BERNIE and also candidates who are HILLARYPELOSIESTABLISHMENTBENGHAZI, and if that seems contradictory, it's because most Dem voters just aren't dividing up the teams that way, because the 2016 election ended in 2016. Now it's 2018, and we're running everywhere, and we're hitting the streets for candidates who deserve it, and we are making them WIN.

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez beat Joe Crowley because she was better, and she's a much better fit for her Bronx/Queens district, which is around 18% white and fully HALF Latinx. It was probably a good time to give the white dude the boot.

Here is Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, upon realizing she won:

Congratulations! We can't wait for November, when Ocasio-Cortez and SO MANY OTHER DEMOCRATS are going to take this fucking country back, goddammit.


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[Washington Post]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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