O Pillow! MyPillow! Our fearful trip is done,

The ship has weather'd every rack, the prize we sought is won,

The port is near, the bells I hear, the people all exulting;

While follow eyes the steady keel, the vessel grim and daring;

But O heart! heart! heart!

O the bleeding drops of red,

Where on the deck MyPillow lies,

Fallen cold and dead.

So yeah, um, the MyPillow guy, Mike Lindell? He did not have a good day yesterday.


You see, Twitter banned MyPillow for life. Not Mike Lindell, creator of MyPillow. They already banned him for life, for spreading Donald Trump's fascist Big Lie that he won an election he lost by a country mile. They banned MyPillow's account too. And why? Because MyPillow was tweeting the Big Lie on behalf of Mike Lindell, who is banned, which means MyPillow got banned for "violating [Twitter's] ban evasion policy."

In one post Monday afternoon, MyPillow's account tweeted: "Jack Dorsey is trying to cancel me [Mike Lindell] out! We are extremely busy and hiring as fast as we can to handle all the shipping! Jack will be found out and should be put in prison when all is revealed!"

LOL goddammit. How can we write about this like it's serious when it's so funny? Fuckin' pillow over here, gonna put @Jack in jail. Then there was another one what said, "This was the post @jack was upset about when he canceled @realmikelindell! @Jack I know you are tied into the election fraud! You are so afraid of being found out! So many are looking forward to you being brought to justice!"

Does YourPillow talk to you like that? Because MyPillow does.

In an interview Tuesday, Lindell told the Star Tribune that the ban was "part of the continued attacks because I want to get the fraud out there. All is going to be revealed that these machines attacked and stole the election."

Mmhmm, sounds great, the machines attacked. Exactly.

Later on Tuesday, El Chico de MyPillow went on one of Trump's favorite networks, Newsmax, we suppose hoping he'd get more love than he was getting from Planet Earth at that precise moment. It did not go that way. It was not like when Lindell went on Tucker last week and Tucker let him spew about God knows what.

We could not possibly transcribe this, so please take two minutes:

Fourteen seconds into that clip, as Lindell begins saying "Dominion" and "fraud," the Newsmax dude in the middle of the screen starts interjecting, "Mike! Mike!" He clarifies that Newsmax hasn't been able to verify any of Lindell's hallucinations allegations about Dominion doing the frauds. He reads a statement from Newsmax that it accepts the election results. And all the while, Lindell is just YELL-YAPPING.

The Newsmax dude explains that they don't want to talk to him about Dominion, but they would love to talk about how Twitter cancel cultured HisPillow's Twitter account. Lindell continues to yap and rant like he found some uppers in HisPillowcase.

Over halfway through the clip, the Newsmax dude asks Lindell if he could "make an argument that [MyPillow's Twitter ban] is temporary." To which Lindell responds "What?" because of how he's been YELL-YAPPING.

Once the question is repeated, Lindell offers this:

MYPILLOW GUY: NO I WANT IT TO BE A PERMANENT BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT THEY DID THIS BECAUSE I'M REVEALING ALL THE EVIDENCE ON FRIDAY OF ALL THE ELECTION FRAUD WITH THESE MACHINES!

At which point the Newsmax dude asks his producers live on air if we can "get out of here, please." Then he makes this face:

And then dude is GONE:

And that's basically it. It's the most amazing "news" clip in the history of February 2021, at least so far.

Now, we know what you're thinking. Newsmax isn't suddenly a good news network or anything, they just don't want Dominion Voting Systems to sue them for billions of dollars like they are everybody else. They've been making noises like that in the general direction of Mr. Pillow, they sure have!

We are not here to refute your thinking and this blog post is over now.

[StarTribune]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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