All In Favor Of Montana Governor Steve Bullock Quitting His Bitching Say 'AYE'!

Did you hear? The DNC has released the line-up for the double-header first Democratic primary debates on June 26 and 27! It's 10 candidates each night, because there are 20 of them who qualified, and you can look at the match-ups here if you'd like. Elizabeth Warren is debating the kids' table on the first night, which will either give her a chance to shine, or nobody will watch. All the other important people -- Biden, Bernie, Buttigieg, Kamala, Oprah's guru Marianne Williamson AKA OUR NEXT PRESIDENT, OBVIOUSLY -- are on the second night, so that should be fun.

But, of course, there are a handful of people who didn't qualify for any of it, and one of them in particular will not stop bitching about it. We are talking about Montana Governor Jim J. Steve Bullock (see? we don't even know what his fucking name is), who Johnny-Come-Lately-ed into the party and now he's mad that he didn't qualify under the rules every other candidate had to play by. He is saying "whine" about how he's a really popular governor who won in a Trump state (true!) and "whine!" the polls wuz #rigged (yeah nope) and "WHINE!" he didn't have time to run for president because he was protecting Medicaid expansion in Montana's batshit legislative session (awesome!) and therefore it's NO FAIR that he doesn't get to debate.

He even released an ad featuring a Montanan called "Jock," who says jumpin' Jehoshaphat, this is all "HORSESHIT."


Dude? Shut UP.

(We are not talking to you, "Jock." You may talk.)

Bullock, we get that you had 'portant things to do in Montana, and that is all cool beans and stuff -- and the Medicaid expansion will continue to help lots of people! -- but you know what voters really like for a first impression? Whining. Wait, no, it is the opposite of that!

See that thoroughly unkind butthole-mouthed screengrab up there? That's what Wonkette does to people who are annoying us with all their bitching. We also give them nicknames like "Steve Buttock." Is that what you want, butthole-mouthed Steve Buttock?

What we are saying is that it's great ("great") that Steve Bullock wants to run for president. (No we don't.) Hooray. But for Christ's sake, this is the first Democratic debate out of seventy eleventy to come, and 14 of these motherfuckers are going to drop out by Christmas. Wanna get in it for the long haul? THEN STOP WHINING, STEVE.

In summary and in conclusion, go run for the Senate, unless you can't qualify for that debate either because you lost track of time feeding your cat or whatever.

Steve Buttock.


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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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