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Bill Nye has had it with you jerks who keep ignoring science, OK? The popular teevee personality and science educator capped off one of John Oliver's excellent deep-dive infocomedy segments on "Last Week Tonight" this weekend with an important message: The climate crisis has driven him to cuss. That's what happens when you combine an existential crisis and widespread denial with premium cable.


Here's the full segment on the Green New Deal, for your enjoyment and outrage; but please to skip forward to the 18-minute mark, where Oliver notes that addressing climate change is going to take a lot of new policies, working together, if we hope to keep our planet habitable -- and we have to start now, since we've been dicking around on this for decades. "You don't have to just take that from me," says Oliver, noting that Bill Nye was there to help make the point "by doing one of his enjoyable, lighthearted demonstrations. So Bill, please, do you have a fun experiment for us?"

Hoo boy, did he ever (again, go to about 18:30).

Green New Deal: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (HBO) www.youtube.com

For you impatient sorts, here's a tweet with just the Nye bit:

Here, I've got an experiment for you. Safety glasses on.

By the end of this century, if emissions keep rising, the average temperature on Earth could go up another four to eight degrees. What I'm saying is: The planet's on fucking fire. [lights globe with a torch]

Now, there are a lot of things we could do to put it out. Are any of them free? No, of course not. Nothing's free, you idiots. Grow the fuck up.

You're not children anymore. I didn't mind explaining photosynthesis to you when you were 12. But you're adults now, and this is an actual crisis; got it? Safety glasses off, motherfuckers.

Nye didn't wait around for any of those photosynthesis kids from 20 years ago to whine, "but plants NEED carbon," because he is considerably smarter than this dipshit on the Twitters we saw, who apparently thinks that before the Industrial Revolution, there was no plant life or oxygen:

Obviously, we must keep polluting for the sake of the plants. We like cussy Bill Nye, though we hate that he has to cuss at all. We're also reminded of that time he and Oliver fixed journalism forever by providing a quick visual guide for how to report on people who say climate change isn't a problem: Just make sure your panel is mathematically balanced, with 97 scientists and three deniers:

Climate Change Debate: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (HBO) youtu.be

What we're getting at here is that maybe we shouldn't piss off Bill Nye, because he will put on his safety glasses and kick our asses. Maybe he could start with Mitch McConnell.

[Last Week Tonight on YouTube]

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Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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Last week, Yr Dok Zoom talked a little bit about his damn dissertation, which looked at "Wabbit Literacy," the weird thing where we sometimes learn about the world from parodies and jokes long before we ever encounter the original stuff -- like learning about opera from cartoons. More than one person in the comments (which Wonkette does not allow and yet, like life, you find a way) mentioned they were disappointed, as kids, to learn that while roadrunners are real birds, the actual critter looks nothing like this:

Which is not to say that real roadrunners are the least bit disappointing, as animals go, because they're freaking incredible. Yes, even if they don't actually leave lines of flame down the center line of desert highways and go "Meep! Meep!" But they can sprint up to 20 miles per hour, which is faster than you, albeit slower than a real coyote's top speed. Also, yes, real coyotes are among the predators what eat roadrunners, which is why the wily birds adopted the evolutionary strategy of running right through fake tunnels coyotes paint on the sides of mountains.

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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