All These Idiots Have Broken Bill Nye

Bill Nye has had it with you jerks who keep ignoring science, OK? The popular teevee personality and science educator capped off one of John Oliver's excellent deep-dive infocomedy segments on "Last Week Tonight" this weekend with an important message: The climate crisis has driven him to cuss. That's what happens when you combine an existential crisis and widespread denial with premium cable.

Here's the full segment on the Green New Deal, for your enjoyment and outrage; but please to skip forward to the 18-minute mark, where Oliver notes that addressing climate change is going to take a lot of new policies, working together, if we hope to keep our planet habitable -- and we have to start now, since we've been dicking around on this for decades. "You don't have to just take that from me," says Oliver, noting that Bill Nye was there to help make the point "by doing one of his enjoyable, lighthearted demonstrations. So Bill, please, do you have a fun experiment for us?"

Hoo boy, did he ever (again, go to about 18:30).

Green New Deal: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (HBO)

For you impatient sorts, here's a tweet with just the Nye bit:

Here, I've got an experiment for you. Safety glasses on.

By the end of this century, if emissions keep rising, the average temperature on Earth could go up another four to eight degrees. What I'm saying is: The planet's on fucking fire. [lights globe with a torch]

Now, there are a lot of things we could do to put it out. Are any of them free? No, of course not. Nothing's free, you idiots. Grow the fuck up.

You're not children anymore. I didn't mind explaining photosynthesis to you when you were 12. But you're adults now, and this is an actual crisis; got it? Safety glasses off, motherfuckers.

Nye didn't wait around for any of those photosynthesis kids from 20 years ago to whine, "but plants NEED carbon," because he is considerably smarter than this dipshit on the Twitters we saw, who apparently thinks that before the Industrial Revolution, there was no plant life or oxygen:

Obviously, we must keep polluting for the sake of the plants. We like cussy Bill Nye, though we hate that he has to cuss at all. We're also reminded of that time he and Oliver fixed journalism forever by providing a quick visual guide for how to report on people who say climate change isn't a problem: Just make sure your panel is mathematically balanced, with 97 scientists and three deniers:

Climate Change Debate: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (HBO)

What we're getting at here is that maybe we shouldn't piss off Bill Nye, because he will put on his safety glasses and kick our asses. Maybe he could start with Mitch McConnell.

[Last Week Tonight on YouTube]

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Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.


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