Alvin Greene's Campaign Website: The Review

Earlier this afternoon your next Junior Senator from South Carolina, Alvin Greene, announced right here on Wonkette (EXTRA SUPER EXCLUSIVE MUST CREDIT) that he has made a campaign website, (Or rather, a campaign website came to be.) Is it "good"? Any political professional would probably say no. Yet the website reflects the candidate: modest, earnest, and yet unyielding in its dedication to three issues. It may be the only American campaign website that seeks to align itself with the Dao.

Just don't click on "Click Here For More Information" on the front page. Alvin is setting you up for a Daoist joke, people who try to "seek" knowledge. If you click, you see this:

Yes, Alvin Greene uses Yahoo! web hosting, formerly known as Yahoo! GeoCities, formerly known as GeoCities. The Way is hidden and implicate.

At the top of the page we see Greene's campaign slogan, "Let's Get South Carolina Back to Work!"

It is a self-fulfilling slogan. When you elect Alvin Greene, he is no longer unemployed. A South Carolinian gets back to work. And when all of South Carolina follows the Dao, so can the whole state. Work comes from not working.

Clicking "About Greene" takes you to a one-paragraph bio. Were you expecting a list of his pets' names? There is no such list, not from a candidate like this. Who can say who Alvin Greene is? Is he a man who shows porn to coeds at a college library? He is everything, and he is nothing.

You click on "The Issues." You see simplicity.

You click on "Take Action." It requests that you input contact information. Likely it was autofilled by your browser. You took no action. Yet you are now on "the Greene team." Congratulations. Inaction is action in Daoist political campaigns.

You click on "Donations." Here is a simple PayPal button. A commenter has noticed this button does not work. But why would it "work"? It teaches you a lesson. Worldly assets cannot make a candidate win an election. Only adherence to the Dao can.

Finally, you click on "The Newsroom." Here are two embedded YouTube videos of interviews with Greene. Is he supposed to be embarrassed that you cringe? He is not. He is forthright and truthful. The problem lies in you.

And thus the wise man uncreates an unpresence on the Internet.

[Alvin Greene for U.S. Senator]


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