America Best-Loved, Most-Respected ... Nah, Scratch All That
So, is America great again yet? We were promised that citizens of Not America would quit laughing and respect us if we installed a Real Man™ in the White House. It's been 10
years months since Donald Trump took office, so we've beaten ISIS and taken back our rightful place as the world's most super superpower, right?
ISIS is making big threats today - no respect for U.S.A. or our "leader" - If I win it will be a very different story,with very fast results
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) February 9, 2016
China, OPEC and Russia laugh at us. But now thanks to Obama so does Syria. Very sad!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) September 3, 2013
That's right, Ladies! So, we can sit at the popular kids' table now?
WHAT? WE DEMAND A RECOUNT!
OH. Well, what do the Swedes know anyway, right? Donald Trump is making Americans safer, and that's what's important.
Wait you mean the Arab world is REALLY FUCKING PISSED about Trump declaring Jerusalem the undivided capital of Israel? And now we're in danger of tragic Benghazi-style attacks at all our embassies? Who coulda seen that one coming? Like, besides Mattis, Tillerson, Pompeo and what's left of the State Department.
— Matt Lee (@APDiploWriter) December 7, 2017
— Matt Lee (@APDiploWriter) December 8, 2017
Damn, Canada! That's harsh. Maybe we can work it out at the South Korean Winter Olympics in February. Meet up for a little kimchi 'n' chill, if you know what we mean. Tell Justin Trudeau to wear something sexxxxy, and we'll wear our finest yard-long polyester tie secured by scotch tape.
Nikki Haley questions U.S. participation in the Winter Olympics amid tensions with North Korea https://t.co/xubap35oLg
— TIME (@TIME) December 7, 2017
Oh, Fiddlesticks! Uncle Vlad says we have to stay home with him. Maybe it's for the best anyway, since the president is trying to start a nuclear war on the Korean peninsula.
Just heard Foreign Minister of North Korea speak at U.N. If he echoes thoughts of Little Rocket Man, they won't be around much longer!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) September 24, 2017
Plus, you know ... everyone hates us now. Sad.
BREAKING!!! DRUDGE SIRENS!!! MAGA!!! Secretary Poot Lips gave us permission to come out and play!
UPDATE: The U.S. looks forward to participating in the Winter Olympics in South Korea. The protection of Americans is our top priority and we are engaged with the South Koreans and other partner nations to secure the venues.
— Sarah Sanders (@PressSec) December 7, 2017
Wait up, guys! We're coming.
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Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.