America Under Attack by Odors, Dead Birds, Bombs & Chemical Clouds

We're all gonna die! - WonketteThe weirdest terrorists ever are engaged in multi-front and possibly multi-pronged attacks against Americans today, and nobody can stop the awful wave of horror. The monsters seem to be focusing on Texas and Florida, leading many to suspect Tom DeLay and Katherine Harris. But the simultaneous stink attack on New York City has baffled anti-terror agents, while "weather related" events are hitting states all over the place.


Join us for a dozen simultaneous nightmares, after the jump.

* Some 60 birds fell dead from the skies over downtown Austin, forcing the city to shut down for a few hours this morning.

* And in Sugar Land, Texas -- DeLay's old congressional district! -- a lethal white cloud of poison chemical gas is spreading and will soon kill all those people because they didn't vote for Dracula Cunt.

* Somebody tried to blow up a cruise ship docked in Miami, but our loyal robots destroyed the plastic-explosive bomb.

* Still no explanation for the "rotten egg" odor that brought New York to a standstill today. At least seven people are in the hospital and dozens more have been sickened by the foul vapors.

* Kansas has been destroyed by a "winter storm."

* An entire Iowa church group was consumed by a massive Colorado avalanche.

* Terror from the skies continued as 747 cargo doors dropped from above and landed in some dude's driveway in California.

* A coal plant blew up in Ohio. People are dead.

* Georgia, Alabama and Nebraska have been destroyed by so-called "Tornadoes."

* And the devils have finally targeted our precious Metro system, managing to derail one car.

Never forget!

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