U.S. Watches Impatiently As Both Sides In Libya Civil War Are Pathetic At It

 
 Sometime in the last century, countries that were at least somewhat capable of taking on the United States in war gave up trying. "We're good. If those guys want to price everyone out of war, let them go ahead. We have other hobbies than making war," they said. "Like backgammon, or funding terrorists." So this is where we're at today: America is forced to go around looking for wars, and the potential combatants are just pathetic . While we sit on our ships around Libya, pro-Gaddafi troops are "struggling to regroup around the oil port of Brega" and anti-Gaddafi forces are "retreating in the east." Get it together, you guys! Do we have to do this whole war ourselves? Do you want us to just annex this country of total LOSERS?

As rebels challenging pro-Qaddafi forces struggled to regroup around the oil port of Brega, and the roar of allied warplanes was heard again over the capital, residents reacted in shock at the defection of Foreign Minister Moussa Koussa, a close ally of Colonel Qaddafi’s since the early days of the revolution, who once earned the nickname “envoy of death” for his role in the assassinations of earlier Libyan defectors.

Get it together, Libya! We show up with like five or six of our trillion missiles and suddenly the "envoy of death" is the "guy crouched in the fetal position of soiled pants"? We got all dressed up for another war and you guys are RUINING IT for us.

Western leaders hailed Mr. Koussa’s departure, in particular, as a turning point. “Moussa Koussa’s decision shows which way the wind is blowing in Tripoli,” said Tommy Vietor, a national security spokesman at the White House.

So it looks like Gaddafi may stay in power just a bit longer and spare us a long, dumb little conflict. Thanks! We always knew the U.S. could count on our man in Libya.

But is Gaddafi falling even a victory? Our warplanes are going to pick up these ridiculous idiot "rebels" from their hiding spot and deposit them in Gaddafi's palace. But what then? Who even are these anti-Gaddafi soldiers? A class of American second-graders could take them down, for God's sake. DO WE HAVE TO RUN EVERY COUNTRY ON THIS PLANET OURSELVES, YOU PATHETIC LOSERS?

BECAUSE WE WILL. [ NYT ]