America's Billion-Dollar Half-Muslin Cyborg President

  • Barack Obama raised $750 million in a little over 21 months, which means he won't qualify as "the first billion-dollar President" until he runs for re-election. (By 2012, rampant hyperinflation will mean that a billion dollars will buy you a candy bar.) [ABC News]
  • Big Three auto executives made no progress yesterday pleading their case for a bailout with recalcitrant Senators. Maybe they'll have better luck today with the House. [Washington Post]
  • Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper has shut down Parliament, which makes him a despot and also a huge dick. [International Herald-Tribune]
  • Happiness is a disease ... and, like tuberculosis, you tend to get it from people in close geographic proximity to you. [Los Angeles Times]
  • Retailers who didn't offer crazy discounts in November saw the worst sales figures in decades. And retailers who did offer big price reductions kept sales volumes barely afloat, but at the expense of their profit margins. [New York Times]
  • Tom Daschle wants you to hold a "holiday health care party" and discuss over egg nog and gingerbread cookies how we are all doomed to starvation or diabetes or both. [Wall Street Journal]

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