Hi! You are probably watching the first day of questioning in the confirmation hearings for Amy Comet Ping Pong Amy Bony Carrot Amy Serena Joy Waterford "Handmaid's Tale" Coney Barrett. But in case you missed yesterday's opening statements from the nominee and the members of the Senate Judiciary Committee, this is what you need to know about, besides the part where GOP Senator Mike Lee, WHO HAS COVID-19, did the hearing without a mask and just fuckin' breathed on everybody. And that committee chair Lindsey Graham and former committee chair Chuck Grassley refuse to even get tested, because skullfucking American democracy is more important to them than their personal health.

Ugh, we will have a whole 'nother post on that shit today.

This is the important thing:

Minnesota's Democratic Senator Amy Klobuchar would like you to know that this week is bullshit. Just unmitigated, undemocratic, un-American bullshit. She'd like the other Republican senators on the Judiciary Committee to know this, and she'd like Amy Fuckin' Comet Ping-Ping Handmaid Idiot McGee to know this, and she'd like Judge Serena Joy Waterford to look her in the eye while she calls it bullshit.

Mostly, she'd like every American voter — millions of whom are voting THIS VERY WEEK — to know the following:

"Judge, I think this hearing is a sham," said Klobuchar. "I think it shows real messed up priorities from the Republican Party."

BUT, she said, "we have a secret weapon that they don't have." Tasers? No not tasers. Klobuchar said it is you, and we, and all of us, by which she means the voters. Who are, again, VOTING RIGHT NOW. In droves! This very week!

And you know what's going to happen if these motherfuckers put Serena Joy on the Supreme Court? Oh we dunno but it rhymes with "SMACK THE JORTS."

Amy Klobuchar would like y'all to know some other things too:

That INJUSTICE moves "at lightning speed, as we are seeing here today."

That the president who nominated this garbage human to take Ruth Bader Ginsburg's seat refuses to commit to a peaceful transfer of power. Everybody does that, she said, but "not this guy."

That he is throat-cramming the American people with this terrible nominee because he thinks the election is going to end up in the Supreme Court, and he wants her godawful ass to rubberstamp his election stealing.

That healthcare for millions of Americans is coming before the Supreme Court, and the Republicans are doing this to try to kill Obamacare, IN THE MIDDLE OF A PANDEMIC. You know, the pandemic Mike Lee appeared to be coughing all over everyone, that he may have gotten directly from open-mouth kissing Donald Trump, not that we are in any way sure about that.

That she was doing this for Ruth Bader Ginsburg, because of how she realized that Ginsburg's dissents were "blueprints for the future," as she explained to Rachel Maddow last night.

And finally, that "this isn't Donald Trump's country. It's yours." And "This shouldn't be Donald Trump's judge. It should be yours."

Oh and also all y'all Republicans need to go fuck yourselves with a rake, just kidding she didn't say that, but she maybe thought it, oh well, Wonkette thought it, and that's good enough for inclusion in this blog post.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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