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'An Evening With the Joe's': History's Greatest GOP Meeting of Minds

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Tonight, history will be made. "Join the launch of the historic effort to Defeat Barack Obama with America's most influential and conservative 'Joe's' at the pre-launch party," says the invitation. "No," you're thinking to yourself. "But — it's impossible, right? They can't get allthree." OH, BUT THEY CAN. The Tea Party Express' Our Country Deserves Better PAC is pulling out all the stops and apostrophes for "An Evening With the Joe's," featuring Joe Miller, Joe the Plumber, and Sheriff Joe Arpaio. (Apparently McCarthy couldn't make it.) And according to an e-mail sent out by the Tea Party Express' Joe Wierzbicki (WE SEE WHAT'S GOING ON HERE!), the librul news media have been mocking them for this event and its "pack of losers," so if you don't show up to it Obama will be elected. Is that what you want?


Yesterday we told you about the exciting effort by three leading conservatives (Sheriff Joe Arpaio, "Joe The Plumber," and Republican Senate nominee Joe Miller) to raise $35,000 for The Campaign to Defeat Barack Obama.

As we were telling you about this, the news media was mocking us, calling these people a pack of losers, and predicting our efforts would fail. Please don't allow these liberal skeptics to be proven right.

Mocking them? Who could ever mock these individuals? Sheriff Joe Arpaio is inspiring for the sheer inanity and banality of his bigotry. You don't have to be anything special to make a career out of hating Mexicans! Joe the Plumber is inspiring for his perseverance, picking up from each small-market infomercial or conservative webcast he is fired from and moving on to the next one with the strength of an idiot who couldn't even get himself a real plumbing job in the first place. And Joe Miller is inspiring for being on Twitter, talking shit about Lisa Murkowski, as if he will ever have a shot to take that job he literally said he was measuring the drapes for. Yes, these "Joe's" are great minds, the leaders of tomorrow.

We hope they have good security, as this must be the biggest terrorist target in human history. America's only hope is gathering at a place Google says is called "TNT Archery," and if something were to happen, freedom itself, not just these men's rising careers, would die. [Our Country Deserves Better via Gawker]

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Even Dinsdale was frightened of Doug ... He used sarcasm. He knew all the tricks: dramatic irony, metaphor, bathos, puns, parody, litotes and satire.

Yr Wonkette is no stranger to the double-edged weapon of sarcasm, we'll admit. OR WILL WE? It's part of our postmodern toolkit, with which we seek to undermine patriotism, faith, the free market, the family, and ultimately America itself. Duh. But we would never be so naive as to think we have a monopoly on irony and sarcasm, oh no, far from it. This week, we dip into the sludge of deletia for some brilliant examples of cutting rightwing wit turned back on us, with devastating results. Hope you're not all TRIGGERED so much you have to go find a SAFE SPACE, libs!

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This weekend, hundreds of people are gathering in Denver, Colorado for the 2018 Flat Earth Conference -- two whole days of people with suspiciously Andy Warhol-like hair yelling "Where's the curve?!?" and talking about ice walls -- and we are missing out! Flat earthers are kind of the best of all conspiracy theorists, because aside from a few fascists and anti-Semites in the mix, they are mostly harmless cranks who just want to feel like they are way smarter than all of the scientists. As far as I know, believing in a Flat Earth, while stupid, has never hurt anyone -- which is honestly kind of refreshing these days!

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