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An Intern's Guide to Humping and Fishing, Part Three

A Wonkette operative observes another lacuna in the round-up of possible paternity suit partners listed in the Craigslist collection of capital fucks: the flaks. He writes with more:


Since the Intern Guide to Humping and Fisting (sic) seems to be a team effort, here's a journalist's counterpoint to what a previous poster called "the communications side."

 

Capitol Hill spokespeople: If you don't mind that these mouthpieces don't know the difference betwen "lie" and "lay," go for it! The self-loathing that consumes their soul makes them easy to bed, and they pull so many talking points out of their asses that they won't object if you want access. The dullest to chat with but freakiest in bed are the House flaks, but don't be fooled by the male ones who brag about how "big" their "member" is. They don't mean what you think they mean. As for the women, they're the only humans alive (well, "alive") who will believe you if you tell them that you "forgot" that they don't swallow. The ones who work for Senators aspire to be White House Press Secretary, so watch out or you'll be hearing "what I actually said was that I would CONSIDER reciprocating."

 

Public Relations: The ones who work for lobbyists have more cash and generally get decent social invites. Married? Not a problem! That ring on their finger is really more of a "guideline." If the ones who work for causes (tax reform, private Social Security accounts, tax breaks for llamas) think they're winning you over or, even better, think that you're a kindred spirit, then you can pretty much live out any fantasy.

 

Whatever you do, be careful. All communications folks are vindictive bastards. They keep lists. They gossip more than any other professional (well, "professional") class in DC. They don't so much have an "O" face as a "manufactured outrage" face. Still, if you've ever fantasized about saying "no, I love those sneakers with that suit," go for it.

We can't help but note that bloggers have also been left out of the guide. Perhaps "fucking a blogger" is redundant?

Previously:

A Intern's Guiding to Humping and Fishing [Wonkette]

An Intern's Guide to Humping and Fishing, Part Two [Wonkette]

A guide for interns -- you're welcome [Craigslist]

Addendum: A guide for interns -- you're welcome [Craigslist]

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