Dr. Anthony Fauci, today you are 80! How many is that? Holy fuckshit, that is so many! How are we celebrating Doc Tony Hot Stuff's birthday today? Different ways in different places. In DC, they have named Dr. Anthony S. Fauci's birthday, Dec. 24, 2020, "Doc Tony Hot Stuff Day," which seems like it's maybe a little informal even for a guy who wears sportsball masks to his fancypants infectious disease health advisor global pandemic science meetings and also Congress.

If you are in fact Dr. Anthony Fauci, first off hi! Thanks for stopping by! We laaaarve you, which is how my granddaughter Tallulah, making eyes of longing, says she loves the picture of Barack Obama on my shelf ("LAAARVE HIIIIIM") and also Dot Com from "30 Rock" ("LAAARVE HIIIIM, LAAARVE DOT COM").

Second off, if you are still in fact Dr. Anthony Fauci, you probably celebrated Dr. Anthony S. Fauci Day by holy jesus this 18-hour-a-day schedule with two breaks.

Doc Tony Hot Stuff IS TRYING TO SAVE US, YOU IDIOTS!

Other places are doing it up differently, with their new Dr. Anthony S. Fauci Day traditions of licking each other's faces naked in the road. Sigh. I can't believe that's now discouraged.

In this town in Louisiana, they are celebrating Anthony Fauci's birthday by flipping the fuck out at city council meetings about having to wear a mask even though they are a city council member and it is state law :(

(Okay that didn't take place ON Anthony Fauci's birthday, POETIC BIRTHDAY LICENSE.)

In California, they are celebrating Anthony Fauci's birthday by explaining they are Kirk Cameron and they're here to give you a HOT HOPE INJECTION.



Jesus Christ, Kirk Cameron, and I don't mean "is our Lord and Savior well pleased with your efforts to lead his Sheep back to Him," because WHAT YOU ARE DOING IS MURDER, AND YOU ARE A MURDERING DICK.

Other places are doing other stupid and also lethal things, but I don't feel like finding more examples because nah.

Here at Wonkette, we're winding down the day because we got Dr. Anthony S. Fauci Day pies to bake (an apple ginger "crostata" and "Rebecca's apple and Japanese pear rosemary lemon crumble" are the traditional Doc Tony Hot Stuff pies, I maybe just decided) and then we gotta think of something stupid and fictional to write up for tomorrow.

And until then, we leave you with the traditional gift of song. Some of them aren't very good, as is also our way. But that last one down there at the end? That's a fucking jam.


Inappropriate because boobs!



Don't lie, Solange. He always cares.



Does anyone remember Tony? Sure we do.



Toooooony.



I don't know what this 24-year-old France man is saying about Tony, but I fucking love it.



Until tomorrow mes cheries, I think of you and where you could be and who are you with and what you are thinking of and whether you are thinking of me ...

XOXOXO,

OPEN THREAD,

Wonkette

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc