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Sarah Huckabee Sanders is having feelings, everyone. They are real person feelings about how the Mueller report (she hasn't read) totally proves that Donald Trump is not a Russian agent, which is notable because it is a thing the Barr letter about the Mueller report (which she hasn't read) doesn't remotely address.


What's your favorite part? Our favorite part is how she tears up at the end, don't you love it how she's about to cry like she is doing an impression of a normal person with a human soul? LOL.

As to the thing she claims Trump has been exonerated of, don't make us Zapruder that fucking Barr letter. Oh wait, we just did, because it's nine words long, and it doesn't say jack shit about whether or not Donald Trump is literally a foreign agent of another country called Russia (or a number of Middle Eastern kingdoms, if we're being real), which is a thing into which the FBI opened an investigation. We don't know the status of that investigation or if Mueller pursued it or what. (GIVE US THE FUCKING REPORT, BILL.) All we know is that *SOB* that thing that *SOB* is punishable by death *SOOOOOOOOOOB!*

We can't finish that sentence, Sarah Huckabee Sanders is crying like a fucking idiot too loudly.

We think what she is saying is that the things we believe -- based on facts and evidence that are in constant and weekly abundance -- about Trump very possibly being a witting or unwitting asset of Russian intelligence are such grave accusations that she cannot even fathom that kind and decent people would accuse the president of the United States of SOOOBOOOOOOBOOBOBOBOBOBOBOBOBOBOBBLUBBERCRYWHINETEARS!

While Ms. Sanders collects herself, we'd remind you that literally LAST WEEK we were talking about how the White House refuses to tell Congress about Trump's super secret sexxx chats with Vladimir Putin, you know, the ones where he confiscates the translators' notes so nobody will know what he and his handler talked about. We bring up the subject when Trump says and does things that are inexplicable from any American foreign policy perspective (or Western European perspective for that matter), but only make sense through the lens of somebody who's being fed his talking points by Russian government officials. It doesn't happen infrequently!

This is almost as good as the time Lynne Patton, the Trump party planner at HUD -- you know, Mark Meadows's black friend! -- got on Twitter and had a meltdown over how the Mueller report (which she hasn't read) proves that all the people who said Trump only won because of Russia are terrible liars, and Trump people have been VINDICATED, because of how they were SMARTER and BETTER than the Hillary people and they earned that comical Electoral College squeaker/popular vote drubbing FAIR AND SQUARE. It was yesterday.

It's funny because the thing the Barr letter is clearest about is that Russia attacked the 2016 election to help Donald Trump and hurt Hillary Clinton, which means all Patton's ALL CAPS emoting was for NOT SHIT, ASSHOLE.

Anything else some dumber-than-dogshit Trumper would like to claim Daddy was exonerated on all charges from that wasn't in Bill Barr's letter, because they're all too goddamned stupid to read anything for themselves?

Junior? Your turn. Say the letter proves Daddy loves you.

Anyway, OPEN THREAD. (NO COLLUSION.)

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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