And Now, Your Daily Dispatch From The Fox News/Rightwing Coronavirus Death Cult!

War guy

As COVID-19 continues to spread among the population, so too does the weird outbreak of Little Man Syndrome nihilism on the American Right, particularly among men. You know, the same types of dumbfucking small-dicked men who thinks it's really awesome when idiots open-carry their penis-guns at the Chili's, just to prove that they can. Those trucks in the parking lot with the oversized tires and the "No Fear" bumper stickers? Be still their bathing suit regions!

Did you know that if you are scared of a few million people dying of coronavirus, you probably love the Nazis too? That's what right-wing pundit idiot Dennis Prager — who still, thoughts and prayers, is probably very upset that he's not allowed to say the "N"-word — thinks about coronavirus. Don't you understand that this is WAR? Well, if you're not willing to do WAR on coronavirus, you probably wouldn't have even done WAR to the Nazis, and in WAR people die, like common warriors! (As far as we can tell, Dennis Prager has never done "war.")

Prager, on his radio show:

If Andrew Cuomo were, or the Andrew Cuomo attitude prevailed, we wouldn't have fought the Nazis. We wouldn't have fought the Japanese fascists. We wouldn't have had — that attitude that the only value is saving a life, that attitude leads to appeasement. It must. It leads to cowardice, it has to. No one can die? Then it's not a war.

Prager was talking to a caller, and if you listen to the full clip, it seems the "war" they're talking about is the one for "economy," and he seems to believe Cuomo is a total pussy just because he's trying to save all these human lives, instead of sacrificing them to protect Donald Trump's beautiful wonderful yooge economy.

Dennis Prager doesn't like free school breakfasts, because those "weaken the parent-child bond" between parents and their (starving) children. Dennis Prager says men grow beards in order to prove they have male penises, because of how "feminism and the Left have crapped on masculinity" and the beards are the men's only way of saying that they are, indeed, men. Dennis Prager, a Jewish person, gets very wounded in his soul when you do not say "Merry Christmas." Dennis Prager, a Jewish person, does not think we should be listening to dumb teenagers like that lascivious secular gadabout Anne Frank. Dennis Prager gets very mad at Wonkette when Newsweek quotes his comments about Anne Frank. Dennis Prager doesn't like all these lies about rape on college campuses, because Dennis Prager is known to give his wife his gross Dennis Prager kisses without her consent. Dennis Prager's fake online university teaches that the Republican Party won over the South because of family values and small government, and not, you know, racism.

Dennis Prager is, like, really good at thinking thoughts about stuff. And now we have some corona-thoughts, from Dennis Prager! Thank heavens.

As you might have heard, this is becoming a prevalent train of thought, at least among the weirdest and least socially adjusted members of our society. You have Texas Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick, who just thinks that if your Nana and all her friends have to die terrible deaths in order to protect Trump's stock market, well then, THROW YOURSELF ON THAT GRENADE, NANA.

Fox News's Brit Hume thinks this is a "totally reasonable" viewpoint. And of course, Donald Trump seems to have gotten his all-caps talking point about "WE CANNOT LET THE CURE BE WORSE THAN THE PROBLEM ITSELF" directly from a Fox News segment. (Media Matters has a big new comprehensive report on Fox News's fucked up coronavirus coverage, should you like to read it.)

And they wonder why we call the modern GOP a death cult.

Speaking Of Glenn Beck!

Oh boy, he has corona-thoughts too. He just thinks all the old people should go back to work ASAP, and if they die, that's OK, because at least they didn't murder Donald Trump's beautiful stock market:

GLENN BECK (HOST): I mean, I'm in the danger zone. I'm right at the edge, I'm 56. In Italy they're saying if you're sick and you're 60, don't even come in. So, I'm in the danger zone. I would rather have my children stay home and all of us who are over 50 go in and keep this economy going and working, even if we all get sick, I would rather die than kill the country. 'Cause it's not the economy that's dying, it's the country.

Oh my God these people are such chickenshit pissbabies oh my God what is wrong with them oh my God.

America, Fuck Yeah!

America has survived a Civil War and a Great Depression and World War I and World War II and the Cold War and America has walked uphill both ways in the snow during Prohibition, because America wanted some alky-hol, but these fucking manbabies are like "THE ENTIRE COUNTRY IS GOING TO DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAIYEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Not because they are worried about actual millions of people dying of coronavirus, but because they are terrified that if we do what actually has to be done to conquer this pandemic, well then, we're going to have to make sacrifices and the government is going to have to step in and do its duty to protect and provide for the American people until we can get society running again, and OH BOY, BY GOD, we think we just hit on it.

Because ever notice how socialist-y things get in America in times of great crisis? And ever notice how when the Republicans' fully discredited ideas about letting the free market decide and fuck the poor and doin' the old bootstraps are allowed to flourish, we tend to end up in a time of great crisisfrom which the government has to save us?

The coronavirus casualty they're really worried about is the final death knell of their make-believe mythological ideas about what constitutes a virtuous society, one where the rich white Republican men win by virtue of their rich white Republican penises and everybody else loses. The kids were OK-Boomer-ing that one to death long before coronavirus struck.

By the way, the Who Funds The Federalist is out there today arguing that we should start having corona-parties, you know, just to go ahead and infect people, in order to magically create herd immunity, just like Grandma Editrix did with the chicken pox. BECAUSE WE HAVE TO SAVE LIVES ECONOMY! Just felt like you should know that.

And to be clear, there are public health experts and scientists starting to discuss the possibility that many people have already been infected with the novel coronavirus and recovered, and they are saying we need to learn to identify those people, and find out if herd immunity is developing or can develop, as a way of figuring out how to re-open society and yes, get the economy going again. Everybody would actually like that to happen!

But that is a far cry from "LET'S ALL GO GIT SOME CORONA!" and maybe a buncha people will die, but if you're not willing to die of coronavirus to protect Trump's economy, you're just a big pussy.

That's mentally deranged. And, of course, stupid, because if millions of people are dying in the streets because Donald Trump put coronavirus in everybody's Easter baskets, spoiler, but Wall Street isn't going to do very well in that scenario.

So of course, that's what the rightwing media, and especially Fox News, are injecting into your dipshit Uncle Gomer's brain 24/7 now. We've never seen an American corporation so actively trying to kill off its entire target market, like Jim Jones passing out millions of glasses of Kool-Aid (now new and improved with fish tank cleaner!).

But hey, "flatten the curve" means different things to different people, we guess.

[Media Matters / ibid.]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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