Donald Trump is panicking, because Americans are voting. So far, more than 66 million of us, which is more than his entire vote total in 2016, and also more than Hillary Clinton's entire vote total in 2016. And we still have a week to go! And Democrats are waaaaaaaaay out ahead in early voting totals.

The White House has been freaking out, spamming reporters with fake news poll numbers on Air Force One, numbers they literally appear to have made up, about how JUST YOU WAIT YOU'LL SEE, everybody that hasn't voted yet is a total Republican who is voting for Trump, therefore he is WINNING. It's just science and math, that they made up! We have a whole post on that from Monday, but point is, things are not looking good for Trump, and they're really grasping.

"Fox & Friends" appears to have tried to throw Trump a bone this morning, and he chomped it up like the dumb bone-chomper he is. According to Fox News, as laundered through Trump's addled brain, the internet is "Strongly Trending (Google) since after the second debate" with people asking "CAN I CHANGE MY VOTE?" We are sure there is just a total groundswell of Joe Biden voters who saw Trump BRILLIANTLY refrain from taking an actual shit on the floor during the second debate, and immediately Googled whether they can change their vote.


And according to Trump, and according to Fox News, the answer is YES!

So real quick, everybody! Go change your vote! Because that's a thing!

Except, as the Washington Post points out, it's not a thing in most states. You can do it in seven states, only two of which are swing states, and it's a pain in the ass. But for sure, people are Googling it! Indeed, they appear to be Googling it in Florida, which is not one of the states where you can change your vote, womp womp.

As Newsweek notes, Trump said the same damn thing in 2016. It wasn't a thing then either.

Trump's morning has been a pretty typical Trump morning. He's not working, of course, because he's busy tweeting about how everybody is saying lies about coronavirus to make him look bad.

"Rounding the turn" = average daily case numbers are higher than they've ever been, and Friday and Saturday were the two worst days since the pandemic started. Hospitals are overflowing, and according to what we've heard on TV, some places are on the verge of having to triage patients and let old people die so young people who are more likely to survive the disease can have hospital beds. Former FDA Commissioner Scott Gottlieb says we're looking at "exponential spread."

In other words, FAKE WITCH HOAX!

They sure do seem to be "rounding the turn" in Vice President Mike Pence's office, and by "rounding the turn" we mean taking a hard left into the COVID ward.

At one point this morning, Trump tweeted about how "Philadelpiha" must have POLL WATCHERS. So interpret that as the president encouraging his supporters to go harass people at polling places some more.

The rest of the president's morning has been spent mostly retweeting Sean Hannity's favorite pretend journalist Sara Carter and also some dirty cops' organization from New York, because "all the best people," etc. One of the tweets he retweeted from Carter was itself a retweet of some other moron saying the New York Times "hiding the Hunter Biden scandal" is just like the New York Times failing to report on the Holocaust because here's why.

In all, as of the second this was published, Trump had tweeted or retweeted 61 62 times this morning, by our quick count. (He just added one. He is now bitching about Fox News.)

In other words, the president's brain is functioning no better or worse than it ever does, and if there happen to be fistfuls of Adderall involved, they are FRESH, not that we are suggesting there are Adderalls, why would you suggest we are suggesting such a thing?

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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