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Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.


Lindsey Graham and Chuck Grassley want to see the FBI's Trump-Russia search warrants after reading about how Carter Page was being investigated for potentially being a damn spy.

Trump's legal team seems to have slipped a leash and muzzle on Trump tweeting hand, at least in response to firing off insults at James Comey and special counsel Robert Mueller. (Not so much for insults at Mika and Morning Joe.)

Obama had reasons not to start a panic about Trump-Russia during the election because he's not A Idiot. So there!

Smoke-filled rooms are full of Republicans seething about healthcare, despite their forced laughter and canned applause lines, because moderates don't feel like killing their base of old folks who need Medicare.

Hey Everyone! Do you want an unconventional way to protest TrumpCare? Then why not send your Congress member a vibrator to let them know you're down with OPP and PP. [h/t Daily Kos]

Anthem is hitting the gas on bailing out of ObamaCare in Nevada and will now sell insurance in only three counties state-wide. There's no joke, this is getting beyond serious.

People are starting to whisper "bipartisanship" through the cacophonous halls of Congress in order to offer up a healthcare bill that isn't a moldy shit sandwich.

After the National Republican Senate Committee abandoned an $800,000 ad campaign to support Ron Johnson, leaving Johnson "mega-pissed about what McConnell and Leadership did to him during the Senate race," Johnson had little incentive to support TrumpCare.

Senate Republicans are quietly biting their nails about more than just healthcare as their ultra conservative legislative agenda for fucking over poor people is now in jeopardy as skeletons with knives in their backs begin to spill out of closets.

Blue Dog Democrats were ALLEGEDLY willing to work with Trump, but then he started tweeting, so they decided to say, "Fuck you too, buddy."

REXXON woke up and started screaming at White House aides for repeatedly tying his hands and screwing him for simply trying to staff his offices with competent people.

A new PBS NewsHour-Marist poll shows Trump's support among independents cratering by 17 points since February.

Trump is bitching about Nancy Pelosi and CNN behind closed doors in order to raise money for Republicans and Reince Priebus to put out the fires he keeps starting.

Government officials around the world are SUPER pissed at the NSA for allowing cyber weapons to fall into the hands of nefarious assholes and trolls who stalk the Internet, committing digital muggings and stealing data.

An FBI agent has been indicted for LYING in a case involving the death of Bundy-buddy Robert "LaVoy" Finicum. You may remember Finicum followed Cliven Bundy and several "sovereign citizens"/patriots/'Mericans/jackasses in taking over a federal building in Oregon for several months and threatened anyone who tried to stop them.

A new study out of Georgetown University Law Center on Poverty and Inequality finds that black girls between the ages five and 14 are seen as more adult than white girls, and are considered guilty of something (ANYTHING) because everything is terrible.

The lawyer for Prince Jared and Princess Ivanka, Jamie Gorelick, is still fighting Trump's sanctuary cities policies, which is great, albeit weird.

Republican gubernatorial candidates in Illinois, Maryland and Virginia are in a bit of a bind as they try to run their campaigns with that deer-in-the-headlights look in their eyes.

The Republican Party in Maine is splitting apart thanks to Governor Paul LePage, who is threatening to shut down the state government over budget cuts and Susan Collins's lack of support for TrumpCare. Why do arch-conservatives always think shutting down the government is a viable political option?

Perjury charges for the arresting officer in the Sandra Bland case have been dropped after the officer agreed to "You're Fired" himself from his career in law enforcement forever.

The Petya hack that has infected corporate computer systems around the world is getting even weirder after the code's author resurfaced to deny his involvement, a move that has some good guy hackers calling "bullshit."

Syrian President Bashar al Assad says that he he's not about to attack civilians with chemical weapons (again) and that Trump's White House is a bunch of lying liars blithering fake news.

The Pentagon's plan for Syria was apparently pulled off a shelf of Obama-era policies, so naturally they just scratched off the old names and just wrote their own.

The Russian and British navys are in the middle of a pissing contest over aircraft carriers, with the British mocking Russia's "dilapidated," smoke-spewing, Soviet-era Admiral Kuznetsov carrier.

Leader of the free world Angela Merkel gave a speech saying that "Whoever believes that the world's problems can be solved by isolationism and protectionism is mistaken," in an obvious slam at Trump ahead of the G20 summit.

GOOD NEWS, EVERYONE! The British government doesn't want to let Rupert Murdoch buy Sky, with culture secretary Karen Bradley stating that Murdoch would have way too much capability to brainwash, indoctrinate, influence British subjects, and the deal is probably going to be sent to the Competition and Markets Authority for investigation. Indeed!

Attorneys for Martin Shkreli hope to convince a jury that he is literally a stupid asshole who lost $10 million Ameros due to incompetence, not a scammy douchebag who purposefully stole $10 million Ameros.

THERE'S A NEW WRESTLER BOUNCING OFF THE TURNBUCKLES, LADIES AND DUDE-BROS! See the amazing "Progressive Liberal," Dan Richards, the most hated man in Appalachian Mountain Wrestling! Watch out for his devastating Liberal Agenda!

And here's your late night wrap-up! Sam Bee 'splainered McConnellCare, and had some talky time with Elizabeth Warren; Colbert asked a baker why he's butthurt over weddings with buttsex.

And here's your morning Nice Time! Baby goats and puppies!

We love you a lot, but we need your Ameros. Ain't nobody got dimes for free love here!

Dominic Gwinn

Dominic is a broke journalist in Chicago. You can find him in a dirty bar talking to weirdos, or lying in a gutter taking photos.

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Republicans are devouring each other's carcasses, and we are here for it! Especially when one of those Republicans is King Kris of the Kansas Votefucker Klan ... errr, Clan! It's been a week since Kansans cast their votes in the gubernatorial primary, and the GOP looks to be rolling up its sleeves for a slugfest.

As we type, Kobach leads by 298 votes out of more than 314,000 cast -- a whopping 0.00095 percent, if you round up! The Kansas GOP begged Donald Trump to stay out of the race and leave the field clear for sitting governor Jeff Colyer, who took over when Sam Brownback wandered off to bring Jesus to the Hottentots on behalf of the US government. Safe bet that Colyer would be gearing up for the general election now if President Twitterthumbs hadn't flapped his yap. So thanks for that, Donny!

No, really, THANKS!

Remember the hanging chad debacle in Florida? Now picture it in a landlocked state with more cows than people. It's like fantasy island for Devin Nunes, ALLEGEDLY.

Oh, but we are to kid!

After first insisting he wasn't going to recuse from the counting, Secretary of State Kris Kobach (one and the same!) wrote Colyer a fabulously bitchy letter agreeing to hand off the tabulation to his deputy, Eric Rucker. Colyer had made the shocking suggestion that Kobach delegate responsibility to the Kansas attorney general, rather than his own political appointee, and Kobach was stretched out on the settee with a fit of the vapors at the gross impropriety of it all!

I will not breach the public trust and arbitrarily assign my responsibilities to another office that is not granted such authority by the laws of Kansas.

After several anguished paragraphs, Kobach closed by remonstrating that Colyer was betraying his office by destroying the faith of Kansans in the sacred integrity of their electoral process.

As governor of Kansas, your unrestrained rhetoric has the potential to undermine the public's confidence in the election process. May I suggest that you trust the people of Kansas have made the right decision at the polls and that our election officials will properly determine the result as they do in every election.

Said the guy whose entire adult life has been dedicated to whipping up panic about millions of imaginary illegal alien voters.

So now these two princes can kick the crap out of each other WITH VOTES, specifically, provisional ballots cast by unaffiliated voters under the supervision of poorly trained poll workers. Kansas holds closed primaries, meaning only registered Republicans can vote to select the GOP candidate, BUT an unaffiliated voter can cast a vote by checking a box identifying as a Democrat or a Republican at the polling place. This was news to some poll workers, who mistakenly directed over one thousand unaffiliated voters to use provisional ballots without checking the box indicating party preference. Whoops!

So, will those provisional ballots be counted based on voter intent? Or tossed based on strict interpretation of the statute? And does Kansas law mandate tossing mail-in ballots that arrive without a postmark on Wednesday, since there's no forensic proof that they were mailed before midnight on Tuesday? And how disgusted will the Kansas electorate be when one of these assholes emerges from the melée holding the other one's scalp? And how many millions of dollars are going to be spent on litigating the Republican primary while this nice lady Laura Kelly, the Democratic minority whip of the Kansas Senate, is out campaigning for November?

Even before this debacle, Kobach looked significantly weaker against Kelly than Colyer, with self-funded Libertarian Jeff Orman threatening to throw a wrench in the works. The Wichita Eagle reports on a Remington Research Poll conducted in July:

In a Kelly-Orman-Kobach race, the poll puts Kelly and Kobach effectively in a dead heat — 36 percent for Kelly and 35 percent for Kobach, with Kelly's lead within the margin of error. Orman has 12 percent.

Colyer leads in a three-way race with Kelly and Orman, according to the poll. In that scenario, Colyer receives 38 percent of the vote, while Kelly gets 28 percent and Orman receives 10 percent.

Which is ONE POLL, in a deeply red state, but ... Kobach is a crap candidate who's likely to emerge from this fight with two black eyes and a pissed off base. If there's anyone who can blow this election, it's Kris Kobach.

Keep fighting, Kris! You can do it! (And now we need a shower.)

And YOU need an OPEN THREAD!

Follow your FDF on Twitter!

Money us, PLEASE! Throw a tip in the jar, or click here to keep your Wonkette snarking forever.

[Kobach letter / Wichita Eagle / Mother Jones / Kansas City Star]

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While most people spent this weekend telling Nazi punks to fuck off, a couple 11-year-olds were in Las Vegas hacking into voting machines. Why? BECAUSE IT'S FUN!

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