Y'all hear about the shit Mitch McConnell pulled this morning? He stood up on the Senate floor to deliver one of his trademark lie-filled hypocritical bullshit speeches, this time about the end of the Mueller investigation, and boy did he deliver! His mantra was "case closed," because he assumes (correctly) most Americans haven't read the Mueller Report, and don't know he's lying (incorrectly!) when he says it exonerated Donald Trump. He angrily shouted at Democrats for "relitigating 2016," because he says that's what the investigation is really about for those who lost, so we wouldn't have to "come to terms with the American people's choice" in the presidential race. (You know, the one Donald Trump lost by three million popular votes -- that means "actual human votes" -- and barely won because of three states in the Rust Belt, the very same ones Trump campaign chair Paul Manafort passed secret internal polling on to a Russian spy repeatedly in the months before the election, with the general expectation it would end up in the hands of the guy known as "Putin's favorite oligarch.")

Mitch McConnell declares "case closed" on Mueller probe

For McConnell's biggest lies, he chose to blame Barack Obama for what happened in 2016 -- you know, back in the days when Obama was trying to warn the country that Russia was interfering to help Trump and hurt Hillary Clinton, a campaign the Mueller Report called "sweeping and systematic" -- and yank on Trump's horn in that way he likes, baselessly claiming that actually Trump is tougher on Russia than anybody. If you'll remember, when Obama came to Mitch McConnell in 2016 and asked for a moment of bipartisan patriotism, since we should all agree that no matter who you support, we don't want the fucking Russians choosing our president, McConnell responded by threatening that he would view it as an act of partisan hostility if Obama went public with the news.

Strangely, McConnell forgot about all his own actions during that time, choosing to chortle to himself about how DUMB OBAMA back in 2012 mocked Mitt Romney for saying Russia was the world's greatest current geopolitical threat. (And you know what? Romney was right about that, and we were wrong for laughing at him, but to be fair to us, it WAS Mitt Romney. This is also not the first time we have delineated that Barack Obama made some mistakes with his Russia policy.) McConnell's big punchline there was that maybe if Obama had been more like Reagan with Russia, instead of being like Jimmy Carter, then maybe none of this ever would have happened. (You know, the thing where Russia helped steal an election for a despised Republican president, the same president McConnell gave a public lickjob on the Senate floor this morning.)

McConnell claimed that Trump is tackling Russian interference "head on," which is very funny considering how we just learned that former DHS Secretary Kirstjen Nielsen couldn't even breathe the words "Russian interference" in the White House in an effort to protect the next election, due to how our chickenshit president still views any discussion of Russian meddling as an attack on the legitimacy of his election. (And he's right. His election probably was illegitimate.) This is the same Mitch McConnell who stuck his thumbs up the anal opening in his turtle shell recently while his Senate rubber-stamped sanctions relief for Oleg Deripaska, the aforementioned likely recipient of Paul Manafort's polling data on the Rust Belt states.

McConnell even said the Trump administration and Republicans in Congress have strengthened NATO. You know, in case you were wondering how deep McConnell was willing to go today with things that are EXTREMELY OBVIOUS LIES.

After McConnell shut his fucking yap, Chuck Schumer got up and corrected the record, reminding us how McConnell and his colleagues have spent the last several years actively aiding and abetting the Russian crimes against the United States.

We all remember what you did, Mitch McConnell.

But even better than what Schumer said in response to McConnell is what Senator Elizabeth Warren did, which was to spend 40 minutes on the Senate floor reading the Mueller Report into the record -- especially the good parts! -- and also reading aloud that awesome letter signed by approximately three million former prosecutors, which says that if Trump wasn't currently being protected by DoJ policy, he would have already been indicted for multiple felonies for obstruction of justice.

There's not much we have to add by way of commentary to what Warren did, because she was just reading stuff we've all read already. But it was really good for those out there who haven't read it all like a common Wonkette, those of you who quite frankly aren't paid to spend your time reading 448-page special counsel reports, but have to consume news in much shorter bursts. People need to see this on the news, especially on a day when we learned that the star and narrator of the Mueller Report, Don McGahn, who by any logic should be preparing his House Judiciary Committee testimony right this very second, is starting to throw roadblocks up to complying with congressional subpoenas.

Oh yeah, and Warren also reiterated her call to begin an impeachment inquiry into Trump:

Sen. Elizabeth Warren on Impeachment (C-SPAN)

Among many of the things Warren said, there was this:

"If any other human being in this country had done what's documented in the Mueller report, they would be arrested and put in jail. The majority leader doesn't want us to consider the mountain of evidence against the president. That is wrong," she said.

Just like all those prosecutors said!

We continue to believe that we should be walking a careful line, a sort of walk-and-chew-gum approach to this whole impeachment thing. We absolutely have to move down that road, and we agree with Hillary Clinton that it should be done slowly, diligently, and on live TV so often it inflicts excruciating pain on the president and his administration, just like the Watergate hearings.

The good news, as Paul Campos pointed out today at the indispensable Lawyers, Guns & Money, is that we really don't think there's much of an "argument" happening here among Democrats. It's not Dems on one side saying IMPEACH NOW, ASK QUESTIONS LATER! vs. Dems who don't want to do impeachment at all. The more "careful" ones know what road we're on, and the ones shouting "INPEACH!!11!!" from the rooftops know there is a process we need to follow here. Pretty sure we're all mostly on the same page.

Mueller gave us the road map, as he obviously intended to do in the first place, despite Bill Barr's best efforts to obstruct and lie and cover up for Donald Trump.

In summary and in conclusion, it is your OPEN THREAD, and also here is all 41 minutes of Elizabeth Warren being awesome, if that should perchance interest you:

Oh, and we almost forgot:

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE, DO IT RIGHT HERE!

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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'Baby Geniuses' star Jon Voight took to Twitter early this morning to proclaim his undying love for Donald Trump, probably because there is no one left in his life who will listen to him talk about this, or anything else, in person. In this video rant, Voight encouraged members of the Republican Party, whom he apparently thinks are the only real citizens of the United States, to stand by Donald Trump and "acknowledge the truth" that he is the best President since Abraham Lincoln.

Part ONE:

People of the Republican Party, I know you will agree with me when I say our president has our utmost respect and our love. This job is not easy. For he's battling the left and their absurd words of destruction. I've said this once and I'll say this again. That our nation has been built on the solid ground from our forefathers, and there is a moral code of duty that has been passed on from President Lincoln. I'm here today to acknowledge the truth, and I'm here today to tell you my fellow Americans that our country…

Oh no, not our absurd words of destruction!

Part DEUX:

is stronger, safer, and with more jobs because our President has made his every move correct. Don't be fooled by the political left, because we are the people of this nation that is witnessing triumph. So let us stand with our president. Let us stand up for this truth, that President Trump is the greatest president since President Lincoln.

Does Jon Voight not know there have been... other presidents? Can he name them? Because really, it does not sound like it. Does he also not know that a very big chunk of the Republican Party actually does not care very much for Abraham Lincoln? Namely those defenders of Confederate statues that Trump called "very fine people?" Also, did he intentionally diss their beloved Ronald Reagan?

Who can know? Who can even tell what he is trying to say or why he is trying to say it. He doesn't appear to have tweeted much since 2016, so I'm guessing whoever's job it was to keep him from tanking his career quit. Either that... or after filming the seventh season of Ray Donovan, he found out it's going to be canceled or his character is getting killed off or something and he is now free to be a jackass? I don't know, I haven't watched the show, although my parents are very into it and mad that I haven't watched it. Literally all I know about it is that it has something to do with Boston, because they keep mentioning that to me like it's a selling point.

It seems useless at this point to note that the people who scream their faces off about how bad it is for Hollywood celebs to support liberal causes, and how they should keep their politics to themselves, etc. etc. make a way bigger deal than normal people do whenever a Big Time Hollywood Celebrity like Jon Voight or, uh, Scott Baio, supports their cause. Mostly because they're the only ones who have elected a reality TV star and the star of Bedtime for Bonzo (who by the way, also once practically ruined a perfectly good Bette Davis movie with his bad acting. Which is not to say that Dark Victory is not fantastic and probably the best thing to watch if you want to sob your face off, but he was very bad in it.) to run the country.

But we might as well do that anyway, because it actually never stops being funny.

[Jon Voight Twitter]

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