Andrew Breitbart's Big Hollywood: A Wonkette Blog Review

Your Wonkette prides itself on staying current with the latest entrants into the cancerous wasteland of Political Blogging, as it is our duty to inform America about where it should spend its non-Wonkette online time, instead of at the Huffington Post. This week, we have thoroughly studied the new "megablog" from Matt Drudge's personal slave, Andrew Breitbart. Breitbartdescribed his latest project, Big Hollywood, in a Moonie Times column this week as such: "Big Hollywood is not a 'celebrity' gabfest or a gossip outpost - it is a continuous politics and culture posting board for those who think something has gone drastically wrong and that Hollywood should return to its patriotic roots." To answer your immediate question, yes, Kathryn Jean Lopez is a contributor.

More from Breitbart:

Until conservatives, libertarians and Republicans - who will be the lion’s share of Big Hollywood’s contributors - recognize that (pop) culture is the big prize and that politics is secondary, there will be no victory in this important battle.

Hollywood is no longer an American industry. And it took a prolonged war in which the studios and most of the stars didn’t show up to fight for America to draw attention to this hard truth.

We can feel American conservatism getting cooler by the second, can't you? Once Andrew Breitbart, some douchebags on loan from National Review and various conservative Hollywood actors (a.k.a. "waiters in Los Angeles") steal Hollywood back from the liberal gays and make it a famous War Town again, America's teens will realize that it's cool & hip to argue loudly against marginal tax rates rising from 35% to 39% for the wealthiest Americans. Most of today's Hollywood "stars" will be publicly executed, and eaten. Joe the Plumber will be elected President of Hollywood by the oil companies. In sum, the film industry will have values.

So, what's the top story this morning?

Oh you bet your ass he did, Junior!

I imagine this question will be heard in homes across America in years to come. And why not? We’ve been told by Hollywood that members of our military are rapists, cold blooded killers, and more. They are taking part in an illegal war, bombing villages and torturing innocents. I mean, why would they make movies about such things if they weren’t true?

I’m constantly amazed by the attitudes of some in our industry toward the military. Personally, the fact that I’m a former Marine is often met with incredulity. Apparently, I’m “pretty cool for a Marine” and I “seem so normal”. My favorite is the look on someone’s face when they ask, “Why would you join the Marines?” while they visually inspect for some previously undetected mental defect.

Hmm, we've never heard of any Hollywood movie about American soldiers raping people "in the War," at least not off the top of our heads... and it probably wouldn't occur to little children to ask this question, since they don't yet know that penises and vaginas are designed to "interact" and shouldn't see such terrible rape violence movies anyway. So... where is this coming from, Mr. Head? Is there... something the former Marine writer of this article would like to confess? From the war? Little... little rapin' action?

The other Big Hollywood post we'd like to analyze is called "One Pissed-Off Dude," authored by Gary Graham, a self-described "Hollywood actor." It is the most marvelous thing ever written, a delight to read, and a manifesto for our Children.

Graham hits his stride with the stand-alone sentence, "You see, I’m one pissed-off dude." Ah, so he was the "One Pissed-Off Dude" referenced in the title! Now we will verily read more paragraphs, to determine the causation of Graham's condition!

I’m told I’ll hurt my career if I continually spout off about Liberalism — which I see as a growing cancer in our society. Worldwide, I’ve seen Liberalism metastasize into virulent incarnations of Socialism, and, left unchecked, even into its malignant cousin, Communism. Only the arrogant or the somnambulist would think such a thing could never happen here. It’s a matter of increment. Once a group organizes into a coalition, it’s a short step to claiming the right to the property of another group. All that is necessary is for an individual’s right to personal property to become a secondary concern.

“At least the highwayman has the decency to wear a mask.” – Author unknown.

So I’m told I should shut up. I make my living in the Hollywood community, and Hollywood is by and large run by Liberals. I’m told I need to stay quiet when the Left has their way over issues that affect my daily life. I’m told I need to learn how to get along with the Left, learn how to compromise. I need to be more open-minded. I need to be more tolerant.

I say F T S. Ask your 9-yr-old if you have trouble deciphering that. (No, wait, don’t.)

Well our 9-year-old kept asking us if we raped people in the war, so we locked him in the radon-filled basement with some fish heads. Also, Gary, if you want to stay in the closet, quit dropping so many lines about all the pressure you face to stay quiet.

My friends say that that effort, aside from being fruitless, will cost me work. It will cost me my career. And I say Wait-a-minute, Bucko. Those folks who founded this country were willing to risk not only their careers, but their property, their families, their very lives…the least I can do in standing up for our precious freedoms is risk a silly television career. Not to compare myself with the brilliant thinkers who declared themselves independent of England and framed our Constitution…but those were some pretty pissed off dudes too.

Fuckin' A man, fuckin' Benjamin Franklin and shit, bashin' heads and takin' names.

But wait, it’s a ‘religion of peace’, we’re told. Wow, not the last time I looked. If Islam is a religion of peace, where are all the peace-loving Muslim leaders decrying the radicals’ murderous actions? The beheadings, the suicide bombings, the IED’s, the blowing up innocents on buses? Where are the peaceful Islamists’ protests against Hamas, Hezbollah, Al Queda, et al? You are a frog in a pot, Lefty – being boiled slowly, apparently too slowly for you to notice. Too much Climate Change on your mind to notice that the barbarians are at the gate. When the Nazis stormed into Jewish homes in 1939 I’m sure there were more than a few head-in-the sand myopic residents screaming about the troopers tracking mud on the carpet. If only they had had the ACLU to save the day… Human rights and clean carpets surely would have abound.

Just complete earnest insanity for many paragraphs, consistently rich... it's an article for the ages. He even threatens to beat the shit out of you at the end!

So Big Hollywood should offer us some post material in 2009, the end.

"Mommy, Did Daddy Rape People In The War?" [Big Hollywood]

One Pissed-Off Dude [Big Hollywood]

New Blogs on the Block [NYT/Opinionator]


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