Angry Dingbat Yells At Long-Dead Historical Figures
Meet Rick Barber, your patriotic candidate for Congress from Alabama's (we don't know) district. He closed down the honky tonk again, and now he's yelling at the demons of his imagination: Brewer-Patriot Sam Adams, socialist Parisian Benjamin Franklin and liberty-crushing whiskey-taxer George Washington. And he irritated these ghosts so much that Washington's gonna crawl out of the grave and order another government raid on the teabaggers who don't want to pay their booze taxes!
Dave Weigel analyzes Rick Barber's paranoid rant that was actually delivered to an empty longneck after last call:
He appeals to Washington as the owner of a distillery who "knows how tough it is to run a small business without a tyrannical government on your back." But President Washington presided over, and approved, the first tax levied by the federal government -- the 1791 whiskey tax. When the tax met resistance, he approved the assembling of militias to enforce the law and mobilization of agents to collect the revenue. So the Barber daydream of Washington angrily ordering a "gathering of armies" to oppose a tax is... well, entertaining, I guess.
So the ghost of George Washington is going to crush Rick Barber? Good! Because even Rick Barber knows that the U.S. must crush terrorists within its borders! And that's why this small-government teabagger is going to, uh, stomp the fuckin' Mooslims when they try to open a mosque in Manhattan. Did you know 9/11 happened in Manhattan (and two other places)?
Lighten up, Francis. And take your meds before the veins burst right out of your forehead. [Washington Post]