Angry Wingnut Angrily Explains Nancy Drew Is A White Lady, Dammit
The secret is that Nancy Drew was a black lady all along!
Here's what we remember about the Nancy Drew books our mom gave us: Nancy Drew was a girl who was a detective, and she solved mysteries. The Hardy Boys did something similar, whilst being in possession of penis parts instead of vagina parts. We don't remember much else.
[contextly_sidebar id="pPDGgio1vijFf51LSC26xarQdLpEKnyS"]But this one wingnut called Dave Blount, writing for Right Wing News, remembers it differently. Apparently when Blount picked up a Nancy Drew book, his eyes filled with glee, as he gazed upon her white skin, because NANCY DREW IS WHITE, GODDAMMIT, LIKE SANTA AND JESUS.
Blount's day got ruint recently when he learned there would be a new Nancy Drew television program (yay!) but then soon after found out the "Nancy Drew" character would be tragically not white (BOO!). She might be black, she might be Asian, she might be Latino, OH NO!
A civilization is a chain. Each generation is a link. Sever the connection of one link from the preceding link and you have destroyed the entire chain. [...]
Sounds like they are preserving a piece of American culture. But the reverse is true.
That is Blount's jibberty-blabber way of calling the new Nancy Drew a "N WORD," we think. He goes on to say the point of the new gross minority girl detective is to "alienate the core population [ read: white people ] from their own culture." Ayup. Sorry about your hundreds of years of supremacy, American white people, but the new Nancy Drew is a hip-hop Asian Mexican, and all the whites will surely die.
But don't call him racist, HE'S NOT RACIST, because you know why? Think of the Chineses with him, for a moment:
Try to imagine a famous fictional character in Chinese culture being brought to the screen by execs who decree that she must not be played by a Chinese actress, because that wouldn’t be “diverse.” Impossible. That’s why China will still exist after progressives have finished systematically eradicating America by destroying its identity.
This is funny, because he's equating Chineseness with whiteness . Last we heard, "Chinese" was a nationality and "white" was a race, but we are going to hazard a wild guess that for Mr. Blount The Racist Fuckspittle, non-white people aren't real Americans.
But he's still not racist, come on you guys. Think of the homosexual gaywads with him, for a moment:
Next up: a re-envisioning of the Hardy Boys as illegal immigrants who investigate crimes while navigating the complexities of their homosexual affection for each other. BTW, Hardy Boys books have already been “extensively revised” so as to “eliminate racial stereotypes” according to Wikipedia.
First of all, the Hardy Boys are BROTHERS. So we think if the series were reimagined as Pablo and Raoul, the illegal immigrant BROTHERS WHO ARE GAY FOR EACH OTHER, that would just be weird. Also, it wouldn't be The Hardy Boys anymore, as the addition of brotherly immigrant buttfucking would amount to a giant change in the plot, whereas changing Nancy Drew's skin color changes fuckall about the story. Also it would be seriously encroaching on Flowers In The Attic territory if a bunch of incest was thrown in, we are just saying.
Dave Blount The Racist can fuck himself with Black Nancy Drew's magnifying glass, is the point.
Wait til he finds out that about half the writers of Nancy Drew books were men -- that's right! Carolyn Keene was sometimes a man!!
Not to mention that Nancy's best chum was an out lesbian.
The Great Chain of American Culture is doomed.
A little too swift ...