Donate

barrel of laughs


Oh lordy, if you spent your Labor Day cooking out with your family and friends, you sure wasted your time, because Ann Coulter participated in Comedy Central's Rob Lowe roast, and boy howdy LMAO, a comedy star is born! Move over, Amy Schumer, you have got some primo competition!

We don't want to give away all her best jokes (yes we do) so we'll just give you some highlights, and also a crowd shot of people HAVING A FIT they are laughing so hard, and then you can bookmark the video for every time you are having a bad day and need to LOL.

Here is the funniest joke told by Ann Coulter:

Thank you, I want to welcome everybody to the Ann Coulter roast, with Rob Lowe.

That was self-deprecating and fun! This joke about David Spade was also cute:

A lot of people don't realize that David's sister is famous designer Kate Spade. Judging by your outfit, David, I gather you're not speaking.

Here are the runners up to "best joke Ann told," in no particular order. She would HATE this, but we're going to give her a participation trophy for showing up, because everybody is a winner!

  • "As a right-wing hatemonger, it's fantastic to be at a big Hollywood shindig with all these glittering celebrities, that isn't a fundraiser for Obama!"
  • "David [Spade] is the perfect roast-master for the show. He's successful enough that everyone knows who he is, but not so successful that he makes us feel threatened. He's like the Mike Pence of comedy."
  • "If I could get just one person here to vote for Trump, it would be you, Ralph [Macchio]. People would be so surprised. I'd go up and say, 'I got Ralph Macchio, he's voting for Donald Trump.' And they'd say, 'Oh what a shock! Ralph is still alive???' Just kidding, you look totally fantastic, it's unbelievable, Ralph. Can you believe this guy is like 54? He looks incredible. Whatever you've been drinking, you've gotta send a few cases to Hillary."
  • "I'm honored to share this stage with a patriot, Rob Riggle, thank you for your service. You were a Marine for over 20 years, you've seen things no man should have seen, including 'The Daily Show' with Trevor Noah."
  • "Peyton Manning, I applaud your conservative convictions, I know you're a big supporter of Jeb Bush. That's a political contribution that will pay handsomely. Jeb got four delegates, which makes me laugh harder than any of the jokes tonight."
  • "I'm a big fan of Rob Lowe's work, especially of course the taped threesome. To this day that remains the most authentic performance I have ever seen at a Democratic National Convention."

OBAMA YA BURNT! MIKE PENCE YA BURNT! KARATE KID YA BURNT! HILLARY YA BURNT! TREVOR NOAH YA BURNT! JEB BUSH YA BURNT! EVERYBODY YA BURNT!

Afterward, that guy Jeff Ross, who's at all the roasts, asked Ann, "What happened? You wrote 11 books, but you couldn't write a single fuckin' joke?" And the audience cheered and laughed and this was Ann's face:

Okay, full honesty? We feel something akin to "sorry" for Ann Coulter right now, as she was clearly a fish out of water in a room full of people who (for obvious reasons) hate her. And hey, she says, she doesn't even know why they called her to do this! (Because of the WTF factor, and because everybody hates her.) She also told TMZ that Comedy Central edited it so it made her look bad, which we are fairly certain is not true. Maybe Ann has never seen herself on TV and doesn't know that's just how terrible at life and writing and punditry and show-business and being a human being she really is.

We know we are going out on a limb here, but we think that deep inside her asshole, racist, xenophobic, fucking worst-person-on-earth face, there might be a soul, and we feel sort of bad for her, sorta kinda ...

Oh well, sympathetic moment over!

You can look on Internet to see all the terrible, horrible things the other roasters said about Ann Coulter, but let's just close this post with Jewel, who was (for real!) hilarious and said, "As a feminist, I can't support everything that's being said up here tonight, but as somebody that hates Ann Coulter, I'm delighted." She changed the words to "You Were Meant For Me" to make fun of Rob Lowe! It was #giggles!

Wasn't that way better than Stinky Old Ann Coulter, completely ruining everybody's night by sucking, the way she always does? Wonket thinks so, and Wonket is never wrong, THE END.

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc