'Anonymous' Says Trump More Bugf*cking Dumbstupid Than You Ever Knew, But You Knew That Already

Today's the day! Excerpts are starting to leak out from the new book A Warning, written by the same author who wrote that New York Times article about how they are a secret ninja spaceman fairy princess dinosaur rock climber who also happens to be a Republican in the White House who's working to thwart Donald Trump's agenda. That's right, ANONYMOUSLYANNE CONWAY is back! Or ANONYMUCKABEE SANDERS! Or whoever it is. (We are not sure at this point if it is a current or former White House official. It could be Anonymous Spice, as seen on TV's "Dancing With The Stars"!)

Skepticism is probably the order of the day, not necessarily of the message, but of the heroism of this person who supposedly is fightin' the good fight, while yet unwilling to say who they are. Their counterpoint, of course, is that by remaining Thoroughly Anonymous Millie, Trump has no one to attack, and is forced to contend with the message of the book, which is more dire than the message of last year's op-ed. But we can have that conversation later, or never, or you can have it with somebody who feels the need to have an opinion on everything. (If you want to wallow in a mean book review, the New York Times gotcha covered.)

The excerpts themselves are interesting, though.

In a way, they're nothing new. Ever heard that Donald Trump is an impetuous loser moron who is incapable of paying attention to briefings, of absorbing information, and who sits on the potty and poops and tweets all day? If so, congratulations! You have watched the news at least one day in the past three years!

But the "warning" in A Warning gives some more detail on that kind of stuff, and argues that by hook or by crook, Donald Trump needs to be ejected from the damn White House ASAP, as he is not fit to be the president of this nation or any other. Suffice to say, it doesn't have the don't worry, there are grown-ups present tone of last year's column, but rather speaks of the "toxic combination of amorality and indifference" that undergirds the entire Trump presidency, which has completely come off the rails at this point.

"I was wrong about the 'quiet resistance' inside the Trump administration. Unelected bureaucrats and cabinet appointees were never going to steer Donald Trump the right direction in the long run, or refine his malignant management style. He is who he is."

But don't get too excited about learning about specific events, because Anonymike Pence can't be too specific or Mother will figure out his secret identity.


Here's a lovely metaphor from the book, as excerpted by the Washington Post: Donald Trump as president is "like a twelve-year-old in an air traffic control tower, pushing the buttons of government indiscriminately, indifferent to the planes skidding across the runway and the flights frantically diverting away from the airport." Golly, that sounds bad!

Also he is not only too stupid for big words in briefings, or being focused on one point, sometimes he is also bad at pictures. Yes, the pop-up president sometimes lacks the ability to look at pictures very goodly, which means he's gonna need to stop bragging about how he can correctly identify which one is "camel" like yesterday, dude.

On the other hand, when Trump really likes a picture, he keeps it in his underpants for weeks and makes every White House guest smell it, or at least something that is close to being that embarrassing. LOOKIT PICTURE WHITE HOUSE MADE FOR TRUMP! WE SHOULD TWEET PRETTY PICTURE!

Here, have a dramatic reading from Rachel Maddow, about how stupid Donald Trump is at briefings:

Book: Trump Recklessness Sparked W.H. 'Five-Alarm Fire Drills' | Rachel Maddow | MSNBC www.youtube.com

You are about to discuss weighty matters, sometimes life-and-death matters, with the leader of the free world. A moment of utmost sobriety and purpose. The process does not unfold that way in the Trump administration. [...] Early on, briefers were told not to send lengthy documents. Trump wouldn't read them. Nor should they bring summaries to the Oval Office. If they must bring paper, then PowerPoint was preferred because he is a visual learner. [...]

The officials were told that PowerPoint decks needed to be slimmed down. The president couldn't digest too many slides. He needed more images to keep his interest -- and fewer words. Then they were told to cut back the overall message (on complicated issues such as military readiness or the federal budget) to just three main points. Eh, that was still too much. [...]

Forget the three points. Come in with one main point and repeat it -- over and over again, even if the president inevitably goes off on tangents -- until he gets it. Just keep steering the subject back to it. ONE point. Just that one point.

Because you cannot focus the commander-in-chief's attention on more than one goddamned thing over the course of a meeting, okay? [...]

"What the fuck is this?" the president would shout, looking at a document one of them handed him. "These are just words. A bunch of words. It doesn't mean anything."

Words do look pretty meaningless to people who cannot actually read. We are just saying.

Life And Death Decisions, OOH LOOK, SQUIRREL!

Apparently it has really been bad at the National Security Council -- you know, where they make the big national security decisions. Of course, we recently learned that Trump's national security chiefs had a hard time getting a meeting with Trump about (his extortion of) Ukraine this summer, on account of he had the NSC busy trying to buy Greenland, so that's not a huge surprise.

Of the idea of Trump reading important memos about national security, the kinds of memos that have information the president needs to make decisions that determine if people live or die, Steven Anonymnuchin writes, "That would be like speaking Aramaic to Trump through a pillow; even if he tried very hard to pay attention, which he didn't, he wouldn't be able to understand what the hell he was hearing."

Johnonymous Bolton writes about what it's like when Donald Trump makes a dumbass decision without knowing anything about the subject matter, and the White House must either try to stop him or manage the fallout:

"It's like showing up at the nursing home at daybreak to find your elderly uncle running pantsless across the courtyard and cursing loudly about the cafeteria food, as worried attendants tried to catch him," the author writes. "You're stunned, amused, and embarrassed all at the same time. Only your uncle probably wouldn't do it every single day, his words aren't broadcast to the public, and he doesn't have to lead the US government once he puts his pants on."

God! Well, at least this person is a fun writer! They also call this experience a "five-alarm fire drill" that happens at the White House with some regularity. Here, have another dramatic reading from Rachel Maddow!

Exclusive: Anonymous Author Depicts Deep Trump Admin Dysfunction | Rachel Maddow | MSNBC www.youtube.com

Also, Donald Trump -- hope you're sitting down for this one -- is basically braindead and senile and cannot words good:

"I am not qualified to diagnose the president's mental acuity," the author writes. "All I can tell you is that normal people who spend any time with Donald Trump are uncomfortable by what they witness. He stumbles, slurs, gets confused, is easily irritated, and has trouble synthesizing information, not occasionally but with regularity. Those who would claim otherwise are lying to themselves or to the country."

Huh. We'll be over here processing that information for a while, we reckon.

Bits And Pieces And In Summary And In Conclusion!

Other things Anonymick Mulvaney (HAHAHAHA, it is definitely not him) shares:

  • Last year a bunch of people thought about resigning at the same time to protest and shine a light on what was really happening at the Trump White House. It was going to be a "Midnight Self-Massacre"! But oh well they didn't. And a lot of people thought about resigning on the spot (they apparently all keep resignation letters in their desk, allegedly) after Charlottesville. But oh well they didn't. But they were mad about it!
  • There's a "LET'S GET RID OF THE FUCKING JUDGES!" thing that's pretty dadgum disturbing. Golly, it's like he doesn't even respect our American institutions, WHAAAAAAAAT?
  • Breaking news Donald Trump is highly sexist and racist behind closed doors, just like he is in front of closed doors.
  • Oh yeah, and a lot of people are focusing on the claim that Mike Pence would do 25th Amendment if you got him just drunk enough/loaded up on poppers. Pics or it didn't happen, Ivankymous Trump! (Pence says this is fake news.)

Of course, the issues raised in A Warning, by Melanymous, are serious, because the president of the United States is actually for real the most powerful person in the world, people live or die by his decisions, so if there's anybody out there who needs to hear this story from an anonymous Republican who truly believes in Republican stuff, but who sees Donald Trump up close and personal and is pulling the fire alarm, then maybe this is a book for you.

Last night, Obama national security official Ben Rhodes spoke to Rachel Maddow about the actual serious implications of this book. This is what people need to take away, aside from the hilarious gossip:

Author's 'Warning' Raises Question Of Trump Staff Responsibility | Rachel Maddow | MSNBC www.youtube.com

In summary and in conclusion, NBC News reports on an excerpt from the book that says Trump is even mean to his own family/staff in his bad meetings, so COOL BOOK, JARONYMOUS KUSHNER. We know it was you.

The book comes out November 19. You know, like right in the middle of a week of televised impeachment hearings.

Good timing for Stable Genius's mental health? Or BEST time?

[Washington Post]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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