It was quite a day for the GOP yesterday. While the Elite Super Friends JD Esquire Strike Force Task Team, AKA Messrs. Wackass, Jackass, Windsock & Hairball, staged a presser promising to release the kraken — presumably right after they figure out why Rudy's head was leaking — real life courts dropkicked three more Trumpland bullshit lawsuits.

In Arizona, the state's Superior Court tossed a case seeking to ratfuck the risk limiting audit (RLA), which is yet another term we all have to learn now that the Republican Party has abandoned all pretense of wanting to live in a democratic society. Basically, elections officials go back and confirm the machine tally by manually recounting a sample portion of the votes.

Because of COVID, Arizona voters cast their ballots somewhat differently this year, in larger voting centers, rather than in precincts. The statute makes reference to the RLA being conducted by precinct, so those crafty folks at the Arizona Republican Party sued demanding that the state audit votes on the precinct level, rather than by voting centers. This would force elections officials to manually sort all the aggregated vote center ballots into individual precincts before the audit could even start, making it impossible to certify the vote count by the November 30 deadline. Then maybe the Arizona legislature could just appoint its own slate of electors for Donald Trump! And they would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for those meddlesome judges.


Over in Pennsylvania, the news was slightly more mixed. As part of its nationwide disenfranchisement project, Republicans have been trying to get as many votes tossed for technical defects as possible. Because it's easier to prove that a voter signed but failed to date an absentee ballot than it is to find evidence of a Venezuelan vote rigging scheme orchestrated by George Soros. Because that second one does not exist outside Sidney Powell's fevered imagination.

In Bucks County, a court held that 2,177 ballots should not be thrown out for minor technical defect, while in Allegheny County, 2,349 ballots were tossed for similar issues. Presumably both sides will appeal, but neither one of these cases will change the outcome of this race, which will be certified on Monday, awarding the commonwealth's 20 electors to Joe Biden.

Last stop, Georgia, which has managed to outstupid those dumb bastards in Arizona for useless litigation. Wackass attorney Lin Wood Jr., currently repping teenage gunman Kyle Rittenhouse and congressloon Marjorie Taylor Green, sued to enjoin Georgia Secretary of State Brad Raffensberger certifying the election later today. His case is based on some gobbledygook nonsense about illegal ballots, blahblahblah you don't care.

We tuned in for part of the hearing yesterday before US District Judge Steven Grimberg, a Trump appointee, but hopped out of the zoom after the plaintiffs offered to add the Trump campaign as a party "this afternoon" if it would get them standing, only to be brushed off with the judicial equivalent of "Sir, this is an Arby's." Was the claim based on substantive or procedural due process, the court inquired? BOTH, asserted the plaintiff's counsel, after receiving conflicting answers from his crackerjack legal team. At one point, Wood attempted to assert standing as a donor to the RNC. So we were entirely unsurprised to read that after we wandered off to do literally anything else Judge Grimberg ruled from the bench that "To halt the certification at literally the 11th hour would breed confusion and disenfranchisement that I find have no basis in fact and law." Womp womp.

In summary and in conclusion, hang in there. This shit will work itself out.

[Democracy Docket]

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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.

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