Anti-Vaxx Job Boards Here To Help You Decide Where Not To Get Your Teeth Cleaned

coronavirus

Conservatives are always creating their own parallel universes of things. They start their own dating sites because no one on regular sites wants to bone them, and social media sites because no one on regular social media sites wants to talk to them,

Now they are creating job sites because no one wants them to come to work if they are not vaccinated or wearing a mask. Hell, even Fox News won't let people come to work unless they are vaccinated or complete a "daily health check."

Alas, despite the supposed labor shortage, not too many businesses are flocking to these sites. There is literally one job posted on vaccinefreejobs.org.


Search results showing one available job, "Developers Full Stack."

And given that the entire listing is lorem ipsum, I'm gonna guess it's not actually a real job. Though honestly I am very tempted to respond in a resumé that is all lorem ipsum.

Job description with just lorem ipsum filler text

There is also just one job available on the Unvaxxed Workers job board, as a truck driver. There are, however, about 13 posts from unvaccinated job seekers around the world, including one from a flight attendant hoping to get hired by Donald Trump.

North Carolina, AVL/GSP Seeking Corporate or Private, No Mask/No Jab 13yrs numerous a/c types.
Sharp, Traditional Deportment. 5'4" Army Veteran, Previous B&B Owner/Operator.
Ideally, Im working for a small carrier with extraordinary purpose or President Trump.
Resume upon request.

There are literally zero jobs available on Provision Jobs, which describes itself as "a site that will assist job seekers in their research of companies who are NOT mandating their employees take medical procedures as a condition of employment."

One of the more populated sites is novaxmandate.org, which, frighteningly enough, seems to have a lot of openings available for (unhygienic) dental hygienists and even dentists. This was also the case at another anti-vax job site, The Freedom Job Network, to the point where honestly people should probably search these sites before they pick a new dentist's office.

Search results showing two dental hygienist positions, one dentist position and one treatment coordinator for a private dental practice.

There are also several positions available for nurses, medical assistants, chiropractor assistants, ophthalmology assistants, massage therapists and other medical industry jobs that involve getting very up close and personal.

The most disturbing listing, however, is this one for an Adaptive Dance instructor at the Promenade Academy in Chanhassen, Minnesota. (Trivia fact: Yes, that's where Paisley Park is.)

In search of a dance instructor for an adaptive class. Location in southwest suburbs of Minneapolis, once a week. Day/time negotiable for right candidate but must be a weeknight or weekend. Previous dance experience a must and ideally working with special needs children in some capacity is as well. Genre is flexible. Duties include helping with techniques, choreographing a routine and helping with a recital. Small class size. Masks and jabs not welcome.

While this "dance academy" is thankfully totally un-Google-able outside of this listing, adaptive dance is specifically a dance class for special needs children (and adults) who may be high risk or unable to meaningfully consent to risking their health in that way.

The most ironic listing award would have to go to "Corona Sales Representative." It's for a sales job in Corona, California ... but still.

Corona Sales representative for an IT company

The jazziest of these sites is RedBalloon, which promises jobs where employers will not "cancel culture" you. We can assume it's probably not a reference to the English version of "99 Luftballons." It's run by this guy, whose name I'm not going to include because he's obviously trying to be somebody.

What is RedBalloon? youtu.be

There are also not too many listings there, as probably not a lot of employers are specifically looking to expose themselves and their workers to a deadly virus, while racking up EEOC complaints.

Let's hope all of these businesses are very ethical and disclose to their customers that they aren't vaccinated, wearing masks, social distancing or, we can maybe assume, washing their hands. But if they're not, luckily we have all these handy-dandy websites to help us find out which places we really want to avoid.

Thanks, anti-vaxxers!

Do your Amazon shopping through this link, because reasons.


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Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse

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