Shut the front door, y'all! Donald Trump's legal team finally did something RIGHT! According to CNN, the president's real lawyers negotiated with Robert Mueller to provide written answers to a limited list of questions. So Donald Trump won't be forced to commit all the perjuries because he is constitutionally incapable of NOT LYING while making words with his mouth. (Which is not a perjury trap, goddammit!)

The questions are focused on matters related to the investigation of possible collusion between Trump associates and Russians seeking to meddle in the 2016 election, the sources said. Trump's lawyers are preparing written responses, in part relying on documents previously provided to the special counsel, the sources said.

"We are in continuing discussions with the special counsel and we do not comment on those discussions," said Trump attorney Jay Sekulow.

He said, with one hand clamped firmly over Rudy Giuliani's mouth. Probably.

Mueller's questions will be confined to the issue of NO COLLUSION, NO COLLUSION. Whether Trump intended to obstruct justice by firing Comey, attempting to fire Sessions, trying to get Sessions not to recuse, tweeting intimidation at Sessions, trying to fire Mueller, interfering with the congressional investigation, etcetera ad nauseum ... well, that's a battle for another day. Which is mighty convenient, since those issues will get punted until after the midterms. Do you think Trump might be holding off on murdering the Special Counsel investigation until after the election? Is he perhaps waiting to see if Republicans hold on to the Senate, so he can get a new attorney general approved to take over the Russia inquiry and stop Mueller from asking all those pesky obstruction questions? Safe bet!

So why would Mueller agree to this deal? WHO THE HELL KNOWS? Maybe he intends to wage the subpoena fight over an in-person obstruction interview once he has the written collusion answers in his pocket. Maybe he decided obstruction of justice is outside his purview. Maybe he thinks Trump is pure as the driven snow. Maybe he already has enough information from Paul Manafort and Rick Gates and Michael Flynn and Michael Cohen and the fifty other people he got before the grand jury to nail Trump to the wall. Or maybe it's none of those! But one thing's for damn sure -- unless your name is Andrew Weissman, you have no idea why Mueller does anything. Because that operation DOES NOT LEAK.

Speaking of which, there's yet another possibility we have to acknowledge. It might well be that this story is just more word vomit from Rudy Giuliani, who's been oddly quiet of late. So either he actually stopped talking (lololol), or his blabbermouth is on background right now.

But let's assume this story is accurate. What might be the advantage of getting Trump on the record about all the NO COLLUSION that went on during the campaign? Former prosecutor Renato Mariotti suggests that written responses commit Trump to a version of events that can't be altered later. Like say if Don Jr. suddenly remembers some more conversations he had with Wikileaks or his Russian friends. Or if Hope Hicks doesn't get that raise she asks for at her sweet new Fox gig, and she starts feeling chatty about her old pals at the campaign.

Sounds reasonable. Particularly if you take as the premise that Donald Trump was never not ever going to answer any questions under oath, which we do. Because, as his own attorney pointed out, the guy is a "fucking liar." So even if Mueller fought all the way to the Supreme Court and won the right to subpoena him, Trump would take the political hit and plead the Fifth before agreeing to an interview. So, maybe this was the best Mueller was ever going to get?

But, don't take our word for it. Because, like we said, NO ONE KNOWS.


Follow your FDF on Twitter!

We made it through another shitshow week! Clickety click to help your Wonkette live forever.

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.


How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)


©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc