You are going to need a non-defective air bag to even THINK about this recipe. I’m about to t-bone your taste buds with four ridiculous flavors. What do we have here? Only dates stuffed with Danish blue cheese, wrapped in bacon and decorated with toasted whole pecans. Are you on the phone with your insurance company yet and OMG, why not?


Ladies, gentlemen and others -- I have dearly enjoyed being a part of your Recipe Hub. It all happened around this time last year when your Editrix sent me a message on Faceborg, asking if I would contribute a recipe to HappyNiceTimePeople.com. I was flattered and pee-my-pants excited. She kept me on.

Like you, I have a life away from Wonkette. My work has pulled me away from this thing we have built together, our very bona fide Recipe Hub. It has grown enormously, and I will miss you.

I worked for Happy’s Lisa Needham -- a kind, hilarious, and brilliant writer who I respect to the ends of the earth. I also reported to Sara Benincasa, a comedian I have admired, and she is a joy to know. Additionally, I was blessed to report to Kaili Joy Gray, who has one of the most cheerful, positive voices in early morning e-mails that one could ever hope for. She’s so smart that it pains me. My job was to think about food while all of these brilliant women have encouraged us to think harder about the world.

I may never have said good morning to any of these people, if not for Rebecca Schoenkopf. She lifted me up and gave me something really incredible to do. I am forever grateful for her kindness, enthusiasm, and optimism. She invited me to share my love of cooking with a helluva lot of people because Rebecca is the maternal voice of encouragement  who makes you feel like -- yes, I can get on this school bus and I will find a place to sit. It might be next to a weird kid, and weird is great! God bless all of her days. Thank you.

THAT SAID I cooked for our going away party, because of course I did! We are having my favorite appetizer. You need only a few things and it takes so little time. Vegetarians can omit bacon, and vegans are encouraged to be creative. I quit vegetarianism not so long ago because of bacon and pepperoni, and I wish I had a better idea for vegans. Good luck!

Use wooden toothpicks to secure the bacon. Soak them in water for about 30 minutes, to keep from burning.

Ingredients

1 packaged of pitted dates

1 package of raw smoked bacon

1 wedge of blue cheese

Toasted whole pecans (olive oil, butter, and kosher salt)

Heat the oven to 375º. Pinch open the pitted dates and ram some blue cheese in the crease. Close, and wrap with a half-strip of bacon. Secure ends of bacon with toothpicks and place on a non-stick cookie sheet. Cook for 10 minutes, then turn. Bake for an additional 5-7 minutes and then turn again. Bake for an additional 2-4 minutes, until done. Remove from oven, take out toothpicks and add a whole toasted pecan on top, or into the middle. Toasted pecans are like pecan times ten in the flavor department. You must. I rest my case.

Tip: If the bacon is not sufficiently toasty on the sides, hit it with a brûlée torch (or a BBQ starter). With the introduction of naked flame, the bacon will sizzle and take off after a few seconds. Remove the flame as soon as this happens. Repeat as needed.

P.S.: If you ever give young Fitzgerald Chesterfield a hard time I will make you miserable, with so much more than votes, as time allows. He’s really great -- keep your eye on that one. I promise. Enjoy! XOXOXO

Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc