Are You OK, Jeff Sessions? We Don't Really Care But Blink Twice For 'Yes' Anyway

2020 Congressional Elections
Are You OK, Jeff Sessions? We Don't Really Care But Blink Twice For 'Yes' Anyway

Jeff Sessions is so desperate to return to the Senate he bound and gagged his own dignity and murdered it on camera. Sessions, Donald Trump's former attorney general, groveled yesterday for the pleasure of the mad king. His first campaign ad is called "Great Job," and he spends the entire cringe-inducing 30 seconds telling us how awesome the president is. It was embarrassing to watch even if I had any respect for the man, which I don't.


Sweet Christ, what's going on with his eyes? There used to be twinkle in them, as if he was fondly imagining happy slaves toiling in the fields and singing "Zippedeedoodah." Now, they're dead inside. It's like he was broken in Room 101 and just wants to share with us how much he loves Big Brother.

PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN BEING: When I left President Trump's Cabinet, did I write a tell-all book? No. Did I go on CNN and attack the president? Nope. Have I said a cross word about our president? Not one time. I'll tell you why: First, that would be dishonorable. I was there to serve his agenda, not mine. Second, the president is doing a great job for America and Alabama, and he has my strong support.

When Sessions says Trump is doing a heckuva job, there's a quick clip of Sessions endorsing Trump in Alabama. Whoever threw that in has no insight into the psyche of a sociopath. The worst thing to do is to remind them of a time when you had power and they didn't. They'll just resent the implication they were ever in your debt. The president has all the power now, but Sessions can't just beg his way out of his political grave. He'll have to give Trump the only thing he has left.

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Trump told Chuck Todd in June that naming Sessions attorney general was his "biggest mistake," and remember, his son is Donald Trump Jr. Today Kristen Holmes and Karen Travers at CNN asked him if he's forgiven Sessions for recusing himself from the Russia investigation. Trump claimed he "doesn't even think about it." Sessions said Thursday that he doesn't personally regret his recusal, and I think he'll need to see five lights where there are actually four before Trump forgives him. Trump did think Sessions debasing himself was a good start.

REPORTER: Will you endorse Jeff Sessions in the Alabama Senate run?

TRUMP: I haven't gotten involved. I saw he said very nice things about me last night. But, we'll have to see ... I haven't made a determination yet. You have some very good people running in Alabama. Let's see what happens.

Pundits have suggested that Trump not delivering a death blow to Sessions and endorsing another candidate right away is a hopeful sign for the former Alabama senator. I just think Trump is going to play with his food for a while and then crush Sessions when it most amuses him. Sessions has stated that he was the first (and only) senator to endorse Trump's presidential run. But that's just a fact. Anyone can say facts. Only someone truly loyal to Trump can see all five lights.

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He writes make believe for Cafe Nordo, an immersive theatre space in Seattle. Once, he wrote a novel called “Mahogany Slade,” which you should read or at least buy. He's also on the board of the Portland Playhouse theatre. His son describes him as a “play typer guy."


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