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Also bungled printing 'Vote tit matters' flyers.


In the great state of Arizona, where long lines at crowded polling places, fake accusations of "voter fraud," and miscellaneous fuckery like the time a GOP consultant paid random street people to run on the Green ticket are the norm, not the exception, it shouldn't be the least bit surprising that today's special election to replace former congressman Trent Franks (R-Havin' My Baby) has a little glitch in the electoral works.

The race to replace Franks pits Republican state Senator Debbie Lesko against Democrat Hiral Tipirneni, an emergency room physician; since Maricopa County has a heavy Republican registration advantage, Lesko is the favorite but a strong showing -- or even a win! -- by Tipirneni might bode well for the general elections this fall. Unfortunately, thanks to Maricopa County's decision to hire a new printer, some 140,000 voter ID cards weren't sent to registered voters in time for the election. But be of good cheer! For once, it looks like this is more actual fuckup than fuckery, and nobody who's registered to vote should be turned away from the polls. Whether the people who didn't get their cards know they're eligible to vote without the card is another matter though. (YOU ARE. GO VOTE.)

Maricopa County Recorder Adrian Fontes, a Democrat, was found in his office exclaiming, "It's not my fault!" as his wookiee co-pilot pounded ineffectually on an instrument panel and roared in frustration. Fontes explained the problem arose when the county's procurement office switched to a new printing company, Di-Mor Business Forms, in December. The Arizona Republic printsplains:

Printing voter IDs is a more complicated process than some printing jobs because there is no room for error and the cards are laminated and perforated so voters can pop them out and slide them into a wallet.

"There's always going to be some time lost transitioning from one printer to another," said Di-Mor owner Ernie Garcia. "We're doing our best. We're working long hours and weekends to finish up the remaining ones. We're doing everything we can in our power to get them caught up."

It took the Recorder's Office from mid-December to mid-February to get unused voter registration cards back from the old printer, which officials did not want to waste, and to confirm the new printer could handle them. Di-Mor worked with the Recorder's Office until early March to test the new process for accuracy.

As a result, new cards have only gone to 60,000 of the 200,000 voters who needed cards after the printing company switch. Also, dare we hope that Di-Mor will buy out a funeral home someday?

Once the newspaper contacted Fontes, he said he would send email notifications to all voters who included email addresses on their registration forms, which seems like the sort of thing that might have occurred to him earlier, you think?

Fontes told ThinkProgress he didn't believe turnout would be affected much by what he called a "little hiccup in printing":

“It’s not that big of an impact on voters because we have redundancies in our system,” said Fontes, a Democrat who took office in 2016 after he campaigned on a promise to fight voter suppression and expand the right to vote in a county notorious for voting issues. “Every voter already got either a ballot in the mail or they got a sample ballot in the mail.”

Even so, some troublemakers still think the lack of a card may lead at least some voters to assume they can't vote; Mesa resident Larry Smith, 66, alerted the Republic to the problem after he realized he hadn't received a card after he updated his registration in January:

It's another black eye for this Recorder's Office [...] You've got people registering to vote, some of them for the first time in their lives. It's the duty of the Recorder to send them a voter ID card.

Just to add to Adrian Fontes's terrible horrible no-good very bad day, the chair of the Arizona Republican Party, Jonathan Lines, sent out an election-eve email blast warning Republican voters to WATCH OUT for voter fraud, because Republicans are assholes that way. It's good old scare-the-Fox-viewers stuff:

“We have received alarming reports that the Democrat official who runs elections in Maricopa County has systematically failed to enforce the voter ID law in recent elections. As a result, your help is vital in making sure the upcoming election is free and fair.” The email told people to “keep your eyes peeled” and call the party “if you observe poll workers failing to check voters’ IDs.”

The email said constituents should not take matters into their own hands by approaching a fraudulent voter, photographing the polling place or staying at the polls after voting.

And what alarming reports were those? Probably someone noticed the Democratic candidate's name is Indian. Or maybe a Latino guy mailing an absentee ballot. Scary stuff, man.

Steven Slugocki, chair of the Maricopa County Democratic Party, scoffed at the panic email:

This is the same tired line that the Republican Party always uses to try to scare voters and undermine elections [...]

By the end of the day, they’ll be talking about ‘illegal aliens’ voting and things like that. They do that every time.

If you're in Arizona's Eighth district, be sure to get out and vote, and make sure you speak your absolute worst high school Spanish real loud outside the polling place. Especially if Spanish is your first language. That ought to freak the idiots out.

Go vote, and then you may OPEN THREAD.

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[Arizona Republic / ThinkProgress / Newsweek]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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'Baby Geniuses' star Jon Voight took to Twitter early this morning to proclaim his undying love for Donald Trump, probably because there is no one left in his life who will listen to him talk about this, or anything else, in person. In this video rant, Voight encouraged members of the Republican Party, whom he apparently thinks are the only real citizens of the United States, to stand by Donald Trump and "acknowledge the truth" that he is the best President since Abraham Lincoln.


Part ONE:

People of the Republican Party, I know you will agree with me when I say our president has our utmost respect and our love. This job is not easy. For he's battling the left and their absurd words of destruction. I've said this once and I'll say this again. That our nation has been built on the solid ground from our forefathers, and there is a moral code of duty that has been passed on from President Lincoln. I'm here today to acknowledge the truth, and I'm here today to tell you my fellow Americans that our country…

Oh no, not our absurd words of destruction!

Part DEUX:

is stronger, safer, and with more jobs because our President has made his every move correct. Don't be fooled by the political left, because we are the people of this nation that is witnessing triumph. So let us stand with our president. Let us stand up for this truth, that President Trump is the greatest president since President Lincoln.

Does Jon Voight not know there have been... other presidents? Can he name them? Because really, it does not sound like it. Does he also not know that a very big chunk of the Republican Party actually does not care very much for Abraham Lincoln? Namely those defenders of Confederate statues that Trump called "very fine people?" Also, did he intentionally diss their beloved Ronald Reagan?

Who can know? Who can even tell what he is trying to say or why he is trying to say it. He doesn't appear to have tweeted much since 2016, so I'm guessing whoever's job it was to keep him from tanking his career quit. Either that... or after filming the seventh season of Ray Donovan, he found out it's going to be canceled or his character is getting killed off or something and he is now free to be a jackass? I don't know, I haven't watched the show, although my parents are very into it and mad that I haven't watched it. Literally all I know about it is that it has something to do with Boston, because they keep mentioning that to me like it's a selling point.

It seems useless at this point to note that the people who scream their faces off about how bad it is for Hollywood celebs to support liberal causes, and how they should keep their politics to themselves, etc. etc. make a way bigger deal than normal people do whenever a Big Time Hollywood Celebrity like Jon Voight or, uh, Scott Baio, supports their cause. Mostly because they're the only ones who have elected a reality TV star and the star of Bedtime for Bonzo (who by the way, also once practically ruined a perfectly good Bette Davis movie with his bad acting. Which is not to say that Dark Victory is not fantastic and probably the best thing to watch if you want to sob your face off, but he was very bad in it.) to run the country.

But we might as well do that anyway, because it actually never stops being funny.

[Jon Voight Twitter]

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