Arizona, Utah And Idaho Voting Tonight, So Here's Your Liveblog LOL As If
Everybody jump on the sleaze stack!
In a rare anomaly, all but one of this Tuesday's elections and caucuses are being held in the so-called "Mountain Time Zone," which as we all know is entirely as mythical as the presence of comments on Wonkette. And the one that isn't in Mountain Time is the Republican caucus in American Samoa, so forget them. Since these suckers aren't going to finish at any reasonable time, Yr Wonket is forgoing the usual liveblog, and will instead turn you kids loose to talk amongst yourselves. We think you're mature enough to handle the responsibility, and we trust you not to have your hooligan friends over. But don't think we're going to leave the liquor cabinet unlocked.
Which States Are PrimariCaucusing Tonight?
It's a veritable grab bag this time around: Arizona has a primary for both parties, Utah has caucuses for both parties, and Idaho is holding caucuses for Democrats only. And American Samoa has a Republican caucus, of which we will say virtually nothing. Or maybe, since it's tomorrow there already, they already had it. It's a mystery.
When do the polls close?
Arizona: 10:00 PM EDT, 7:00 Mountain STANDARD Time because most of Arizona doesn't do daylight savings time. Except for Navajo County, which does observe it, and where polls close at 7:00 Mountain Daylight Time, 9:00 EDT. Screw it; as Douglas Adams said, "Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so."
Utah: Democrats begin caucusing at 8 PM EDT (6:00 "MDT"); Republicans begin at 9 PM EDT (7:00 "MDT").
Idaho: Doors close for the Democratic caucus at 9 EDT, 7 "MDT."
American Samoa: ???????
Will Anyone We Know Be Caucusing?
Yr Doktor Zoom will be attending the Idaho Caucus, but that doesn't mean we don't think caucuses are undemocratic, vote-suppressing, and a huge pain in the ass compared to a nice straightforward primary. It's nice and neighborly, we suppose, but that hardly makes up for the fact that they're damned inconvenient for working people who can't make it out to the caucus, not to mention that they preclude absentee voting.
We also know we have Arizona Wonkers who will no doubt have amusing stories of irregularities at the polls, too, because Arizona. Does anyone in Utah read Wonkette? Probably. Tell us your caucus stories, too!
Who's Favored to Win Where?
Arizona: Trump and Clinton are leading in the most recent poll, but about 30 percent of both Republicans and Democrats said they were still undecided.
Utah: Caucus polling is notoriously unreliable, but a Deseret News/KSL shows Cruz and Sanders leading their parties. Unfortunately, the same poll also found that "while 67 percent of Utahns plan to participate, 56 percent said they don't know where to go to vote." So really, Moroni only knows.
Idaho: The most recent polling for Idaho is from a month ago, and showed Clinton and Sanders very close to each other. Anecdotal evidence of the campaigns' organizing efforts: We've gotten at least three calls from Hillary's campaign asking if we'll please make sure to get to the caucus, and no calls from Bernie's. On the other hand, Bernie actually made two campaign visits to the state, and Hillary none. Our call: Potato.
Will You Lay Off The 'Mountain Time Zone' Jokes?
Yeah, sure. "Central Time," you're going DOWN.
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.