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As America Collapses, Gun Sales Are Booming!

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Stocks may be up or down another 900 points right now, who knows -- but they are very much down in general, like 35% down. And houses, they are worth nine dollars each, in KFC coupons, yet there are no takers. All the car manufacturers are shutting down, forever, and soon gasoline will be 45 cents a gallon again, and nobody will want some. Are Americans buyinganything these days? Yes, they are buying millions of guns, for the coming race war.


"Tampa Bay Gun Sales Rise Before Election," says a Florida paper. "Gun Sales Up In Texas," reports the teevee news in Brownsville. "Politics and the economy drive gun sales," says WKYC in Ohio. "Gun Sales Thriving In Uncertain Times," the Washington Post reports.

So, guns for everyone!

What's driving this 10% sales increase for the firearms industry when all other forms of business are collapsing? The experts say it's due to conservative fear that the Obama Administration will toughen national gun laws, in a bizarre attempt to lower the insane violence and nonstop murder that pretty much defines America.

Others are worried about the New Civil War. "Gun purchases have also been climbing because of the worsening economy, which fuels fears of crime and civil disorder, industry sources and specialists said."

And still others fear that Sarah Palin is going to illegally ride a snowmobile through all of America's national parks, beginning the night of November 4, on a mission to murder all Obama voters with her moose gun. She will be the Santa Claus from Russian-Socialist Ice Hell, going house to house and leaving nothing but carnage. Her first victim will be John McCain.

But seriously, go buy your guns this weekend. If you don't end up needing the weapons and 50 boxes of ammo to protect your loved ones from the mobs of meth-crazed hillbillies wandering the suburbs looking for brains to eat, you'll need them for the enraged blacks who look for revenge after Whitey steals the election from Obama.

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Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

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Lace up your sneakers, Wonkers! Time to hit the streets. MoveOn, the ACLU, MomsRising and all your favorite dirty leftists are getting together for a yuuuuuuuuge march to show that WE ARE A NATION OF DECENT FUCKING HUMAN BEINGS WHO DON'T KIDNAP BABIES. And your Wonkette will be there!

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