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MELON TRUMP!


Oh hey, do you remember this Ask Wonket series we do occasionally, when somebody does a Google search and it lands them at our august website, and we feel the need to answer the questioner's question? We swear to God we've done it at least once, which means it's definitely a "series."

The way this works is, if you are in the backstage part of Wonkette, you can see every Google or Bing! or Ask Jeeves search that lands readers on the site, and we can also see your prayers, ALLEGEDLY. Usually it's just dumb stuff, but occasionally something catches our eye, like this:

can melon trump sue for rose words about son

MELON TRUMP!

OK, so if you didn't hear, Donald Trump's ex-arch-nemesis Rosie O'Donnell re-tweeted a thing, and followed up on her website, about how maybe little Barron Trump is autistic. Is he? We dunno! It wouldn't be a bad thing if he was. This made MELON TRUMP! very mad and she called Rosie a bully, and according to TMZ, her lawyer fired off a letter telling the YouTuber who made the video suggesting Barron is autistic to take the damn thing down. It seems, though, that Rosie had good intentions, because her own young daughter, Dakota, is autistic, and Rosie seemed to be saying the Trumps could really raise awareness about the condition, IF their son is autistic. Again, we dunno! Rosie has since apologized for causing such a ruckus.

So, can MELON TRUMP! indeed sue "Rose"? We dunno, we are not a lawyer and we are too lazy to look around for one right now.

What we do want to say is, first of all, MELON TRUMP!

We also would like to reiterate and remind the giant majority of Americans who did not vote for Donald Trump that, repugnant and evil and creepy as Trump is, his young son is OFF FUCKING LIMITS. It's bad when people go after Malia and Sasha Obama, it was bad when people went after Barbara and Jenna Bush, and it was bad when people went after Chelsea Clinton. All those women entered the White House as children, and it doesn't matter what side you are on, the kids are, again, OFF FUCKING LIMITS.

We think MELON TRUMP! would agree.

Now, as to the other Trump offspring, who are adults, the rules are as follows:

  1. Gah, don't go after Tiffany Trump, because for real, Tiffany Poor Tiffany Jesus Poor Tiffany. She did not ask for any of this, and she seems to be utterly ignored by her dad at all times, so pffffft, lay off her, you dickheads.
  2. The other goons, Ivanka and the two Twilight extras, are completely fair game. They are gross and they are adults and they are all up in their dad's transition team, sitting in on meetings where their ratchet asses SHOULD NOT BE. They also (we assume) are taking over the family business, and thus are poised to help Daddy become the kleptocrat he always dreamed of being. So yeah, you can give them all the shit you want. It's the American thing to do.

Now, we don't know if MELON TRUMP! would agree with those guidelines, but if she ever weighs in on the issue, we'll be the first to let you know what MELON TRUMP! thinks about it.

Warm regards,

MELON TRUMP!

Wonkette

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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Among the primary results from Tuesday that we didn't report: Chris Murphy, US Senator from Connecticut, managed to hold on to the Democratic nomination for a second term. Actually, if you want to get all technical about it, he didn't win the nom Tuesday -- he'd already been nominated at the state party convention in May, and the Dem primary was cancelled since Murphy was the only one to file. Murphy's also heavily favored to win reelection this fall. The biggest question for Murphy is whether he's hoping to seek some other office in a couple years. (As if any prominent Democratic senator hasn't already mentally compared their inaugural crowd size to Trump's.)

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In 2014, Pastor Jamie Coots of the Full Gospel Tabernacle in Jesus' Name church in Middlesborough, Kentucky died from a rattlesnake bite. Was it a camping accident? Did something go terribly wrong at the zoo? No, he was handling those snakes on purpose, in order to demonstrate how super holy he was. Not holy enough, it seems,

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