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Aspirin Has Other Exciting Off-Label Use Ladies Will Want To Know About

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This ancient billionaire coot with the game show host grin is Foster Friess, the big bucks behind some Rick Santorum Super PAC, and he would like to tell you that America is far too obsessed with the fictional problem of reproductive health and not nearly concerned enough with the very real and urgent problem of "jihadist camps being set up in Latin America." That is a good story! Tell us another story, old-timer! "Back in my day, they used Bayer aspirin for contraceptives. The gals put it between their knees and it wasn’t that costly," he explains. Oooh, so that's how the baby boomer generation happened. The more you know!

Poor Andrea Mitchell makes a face like she's been slapped and asks for a second to recover her breath. Understandably, since the entire interview is the sort of nightmare you envision when you think about trying to make it through the holiday meal with grandpa sans booze. [YouTube]

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Donald Trump held another great big slob picnic in Orlando, Florida, last night, where he "announced" the "start" of his 2020 campaign, which will be exactly like his 2016 campaign except for the minor detail that he's actually been in the White House since 2017, which is really a bummer, man. Still, it's no reason he can't run as an outsider who vows to protect everyday Americans who believe he's just like them. The rally was a mishmash of the same damn shit he's said a million times before, and the rubes loved almost every minute of it except for the boring parts when he talked about stuff he's supposedly achieved in office, because not even his supporters care about trade policy or tariffs. They want an enemy, and they want to be told they and Trump will destroy that enemy together because they are the real Americans. So that's what Trump gave them, again and again, a feast of fear and resentment designed to get them to the polls. It was enough in 2016, and Trump thinks it'll do the job in 2020.

If there was anything new in the speech -- which was mostly Trump reading from a teleprompter, plus the expected weirdass asides -- nobody has identified it. He complained about the press and the crowd chanted "CNN sucks," and he explained what a threat to the nation Hillary Clinton is -- in fact, he mentioned her eight times during the 80-minute rant.

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Spinal Tap - Gimme Some Money

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