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Attention Whore Deficit Disorder

* The new border fence is finished and America is finally safe from Mexicans! But the fence is in Georgia, for some reason.


* Finally, Republican primary voters have their very own divorced Hollywood actor to play Reagan.

* Tom Coburn's jumping in, too, because you can never have too many absolute nuts running for president.

* Oh boy, now there's a fifth tier of Democratic candidates. Welcome to the race, Cynthia McKinney!

* Speaking of popular anti-war people named Cindy, looks like Sheehan's leaving on the midnight train to Shut-the-Fuck-Up-ville.

* Walnuts and his terrorist organization kidnapped a little kid and made him make a terrible videotape full of anti-American lies.

* The first bimbo eruption of the 2008 campaign is here, on a crappy MySpace page.

* Welcome to the special torture prison on the Island of Sodor!

* There's a whole lotta crap you can't say in the comments anymore -- if, you know, the editors ever actually read the comments.

* The Man is trying to make America's Favorite Marine shut up!

* Antonin Scalia's daughter got loaded and tried to off her kids.

* Jenna and Barbara are back in town, and were seen doing an eight-ball with a red-headed New York celebrity.

* The Republicans are officially done with this "appealing to the middle class" bullshit, and fired the entire telemarketing staff.

* Hillary promises low-paying service jobs to illiterate Americans.

* Another rat jumped off the USS White House.

* Christopher Hitchens is so charming that nobody cares how utterly wrong he is about everything.

* Rudy should be a natural at this stuff. But he isn't.

* Condi Rice is nine years old.

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