Aunt Lydia Announces John Brennan Shall Be PUNISHED!

Well, they actually did it! We guess the Trump White House wants to change the subject from Omarosa or how Donald Trump probably says the "N-word" all the fucking time, so Sarah Huckabee Sanders announced today that former CIA director John Brennan is GUILTY! of hurting Donald Trump's feelings, therefore they shall taketh away his security clearance! AND NO QUESTIONS ABOUT OMAROSA WERE ASKED!

We didn't think they'd actually follow through on their threat, but we guess this week is just that shitty, so hey, let's punish political enemies and slide a bit further down Donald Trump's path of destroying the United States of America with authoritarianism.

In announcing Brennan's punishment, Sarah Huckabee Sanders read a statement from President Russian Intelligence Asset citing Brennan's (nonexistent) "erratic conduct and behavior" and "frenzied commentary," and added (in so many words) that it is just unfair for people to have access to classified information if they refuse to kiss Donald Trump's scabby taint:

Sanders also said they are reviewing the clearances of James Clapper, James Comey, Michael Hayden, Sally Yates, Susan Rice, Andrew McCabe, Peter Strzok, Lisa Page and Bruce Ohr. Of course, Hayden said when the threats were first made that he ain't give a care, because he doesn't use his fucking security clearance anyway. Also, Comey was fired, so he doesn't have his anymore. Same goes for McCabe. We surmise Peter Strzok and Sally Yates are in similar situations. So even in making good on their very authoritarian threat, the Trump White House is still fucking full of shit.

But what do all those people have in common? DING DING DING, they are on Donald Trump's enemies list!

By the way, want proof this is just a distraction? Here is the White House statement on the revocation of Brennan's clearance. It's dated three weeks ago. They rolled this out because "SQUIRREL!"

When the White House first made this threat, Brennan called it "very, very petty" and also very un-American. (Just about sums up the Trump regime right there!) Last night, Brennan said on MSNBC that Trump has "sullied the reputation of the office of the presidency," and that he is the "most divisive president we've ever had in the Oval Office."

Here's what Brennan tweeted last night:

Here's what Brennan tweeted on Monday:


Has John Brennan abused his access to classified information? Fuck no. He has hurt Dear Leader's fragile feelings. That's it. Hey, know who has abused his access to our nation's secrets? DONALD FUCKING GODDAMNED TRUMP. We still don't know what he told Vladimir Putin in the bedchamber in Helsinki, but we all remember that time he jizzed code word level intel all over the Russian ambassador in the Oval Office! Also, Jared Kushner has a fucking security clearance, and half the goddamn world considers him an intelligence asset at this point.

Let us be absolutely clear. This is only happening because Donald Trump is an absolute moron and a thin-skinned whiny baby shithole human who can't stand it when people better and smarter than he is stand up and criticize him. As Sarah Silverman once said, if the man ever had a moment of self reflection, he would "eat a bullet." (In case it's not clear, she was saying Trump would do that to himself. Remember the commenting policy, loves.) She added: "He's such a pussy. Colossal pussy."

As we noted when the White House made this original threat, this is a prime example of Trump shooting his own dick off and swearing he found a Vienna sausage on the ground. The entire point of people like Brennan having clearances is that they can be called upon to help the current administration, with their expertise. Susan Hennessey from Lawfare points out that making good on the threat may have another unintended consequence:


In summary and in conclusion, this is mega fucked. Also, Wonkette would like to say THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU to Michelle Wolf for writing the Aunt Lydia joke we are borrowing right now! Now that we are fully into the second season of "The Handmaid's Tale," we really get how perfect of a descriptor it is for Sarah Huckabee Sanders.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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